"A murmur ran through the kirk, and I could hear whispers of 'Puir callant, gie him time to collect his thochts--gie him time--he's a clever lad Saunders--he'll be a' richt presently.' I took heart of grace at this demonstration of good and kindly feeling amongst my fellow-parishioners, and making a strong effort, yet with a face like crimson--my lugs were burning like red-hot iron--I finished my discourse, and dismissed the congregation. As I passed out of the churchyard gate, I found the old lord there; it was a warm day, and he was sitting on a tombstone under the shade of the auld elm-tree, with his hat off, and wiping his forehead with his handkerchief, apparently waiting for his carriage to drive up. 'Ca' canny, man,' said he, as I approached--'Ca' canny, Saunders--dinna _rive_ folk alang the road to heaven at that rate, man.' "'My lord, I was seduced intil that exuberance to-day against my better judgment. It was the vanity of making an appearance before you, my lord, when I ought to have been thinking only of my Maker and the Gospel, and I have determined to humble my pride by making this acknowledgment; but I have had a sair downcome, my lord, as you saw this morning, and I deserved it.' "'Well, well, Saunders; but Durie Squake had the worst of the _downcome_, I'm thinking. However, let it be a lesson to you never to prostrate yourself so abjectly before a fellow-creature again, even if he should be a lord, Saunders; but as you are a lad of talent, and I have a regard for you, you must get over this mortification speedily, lest it rankle and spoil your usefulness, for I see you are a sensitive creature. So I'll gang down to the manse and rest my sell, and come back in the afternoon, when I will ask Mr Bland to let you preach again. So awa' wi' ye, Saunders; ca' in yere scattered thochts, Saunders--and tell Moses, as you pass Lucky Mutchkin's public, to put up the horses again. Awa' wi' ye, Saunders Skelp.' "'Na, na, my lord--you are very kind, and I am greatly beholden to your lordship; but I canna--I canna hand up my head in the poopit again, so soon after my signal dis'---- "'Haud yere tongue, Saunders--ye're a fule. Gang till your room and cogitate, for preach you must and shall, this very day, and be d--d till ye. The dominie's gane mad a'thegither, I declare.' "I took my excellent patron's advice, and although unco blate at first, I gained courage as I warmed with my subject, so that by the time I cam till the blessing, I was myself again; and having thus got over my mortification, I never afterwards sae far forgot myself as I had done that blessed morning." But the humour of the following extract, which explains itself, surpasses either of the former in my estimation:--