Thoughts like these filled her with madness. Wretched and almost
hopeless, prostrated by her weakness, yet consumed by an ardent
desire to rush onward and save the dying man from the grasp of the
destroyer, her soul became a prey to a thousand contending emotions,
and endured the extreme of the anguish of suspense. Such a struggle
as this proved too much for her. One night was enough to prostrate
her once more to that stage of utter weakness which made all hope of
travel impossible. In that state of prostration her mind still
continued active, and the thoughts that never ceased to come were
those which prevented her from rallying readily. For the one idea
that was ever present was this, that while she was thus helpless,
_her work was still going on_--that work which she had ordered and
directed. That emissary whom she had sent out was now, as she well
knew, fulfilling her mandate but too zealously. The power was now all
in his own hands. And she herself--what could she do? He had already
defied her authority--would he now give up his purpose, even if she
wished? She might have telegraphed from London a command to him to
stop all further proceedings till she came; but, even if she had done
so, was it at all probable that he, after what had happened, would
have obeyed? She had not done so, because she did not feel in a
position to issue commands any longer in her old style. The servant
had assumed the air and manner of a master, and the message which she
had sent had been non-committal. She had relied upon the prospect of
her own speedy arrival upon the scene, and upon her own power of
confronting him, and reducing him to obedience in case of his refusal
to fall in with her wishes.
But now it had fallen out far differently from what she had expected,
and the collapse of her own strength had ruined all. Now every day
and every hour was taking hope away from her, and giving it to that
man who, from being her tool, had risen to the assertion of
mastership over her. Now every moment was dragging away from her the
man whom she sought so eagerly--dragging him away from her love to
the darkness of that place to which her love and her longing might
never penetrate.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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