INFLUENCE, n. In politics, a visionary quo given in exchange for a substanstantial quid. INFRALAPSARIAN, n. One who ventures to believe that Adam need not have sinned unless he had a mind to -- in opposition to the Supralapsarians, who hold that that luckless person's fall was decreed from the beginning. Infralapsarians are sometimes called Sublapsarians without material effect upon the importance and lucidity of their views about Adam. Two theologues once, as they wended their way To chapel, engaged in colloquial fray-- An earnest logomachy, bitter as gall, Concerning poor Adam and what made him fall. "'T was Predestination," cried one--"for the Lord Decreed he should fall of his own accord." "Not so--'t was Free will," the other maintained, "Which led him to choose what the Lord had ordained." So fierce and so fiery grew the debate That nothing but bloodshed their dudgeon could sate; So off flew their cassocks and caps to the ground And, moved by the spirit, their hands went round. Ere either had proved his theology right By winning, or even beginning, the fight, A gray old professor of Latin came by, A staff in his hand and a scowl in his eye, And learning the cause of their quarrel (for still As they clumsily sparred they disputed with skill Of foreordinational freedom of will) Cried: "Sirrahs! this reasonless warfare compose: Atwixt ye's no difference worthy of blows. The sects ye belong to--I 'm ready to swear Ye wrongly interpret the names that they bear. <i>You</i>--Infralapsarian son of a clown!-- Should only contend that Adam slipped down; While <i>you</i>--you Supralapsarian pup!-- Should nothing aver but that Adam slipped up." It 's all the same whether up or down You slip on a peel of banana brown; And Adam analyzed not his blunder But thought he had slipped on a peal of thunder! G. J. INGRATE, n. One who receives a benefit from another, or is otherwise an object of charity. "All men are ingrates," sneered the cynic. "Nay," The good philanthropist replied; "I did great service to a man one day Who never since has cursed me to repay, Nor vilified." "Ho!" cried the cynic, "lead me to him straight-- With veneration I am overcome, And fain would have his blessing." "Sad your fate-- He cannot bless you, (for I grieve to state The man is dumb." Arel Selp INJURY, n. An offense next in degree of enormity to a slight. INJUSTICE, n. A burden which of all those that we load upon others and carry ourselves is lightest in the hands and heaviest upon the back.