Belief and doubt -- Fiction; Clergy -- Fiction; Methodists -- Fiction; New York (State) -- Fiction; Psychological fiction
“Ah, my friend,” Celia said, shaking her head slowly, “I'm afraid you
deceive yourself. You are not by any means free. You are only looking
out of the window of your prison, as you call it. The doors are locked,
just the same.”
“I will smash them!” he declared, with confidence. “Or for that matter,
I HAVE smashed them--battered them to pieces. You don't realize what
progress I have made, what changes there have been in me since that
night, you remember that wonderful night! I am quite another being, I
assure you! And really it dates from way beyond that--why, from the very
first evening, when I came to you in the church. The window in Father
Forbes' room was open, and I stood by it listening to the music next
door, and I could just faintly see on the dark window across the
alley-way a stained-glass picture of a woman. I suppose it was the
Virgin Mary. She had hair like yours, and your face, too; and that is
why I went into the church and found you. Yes, that is why.”
Celia regarded him with gravity. “You will get yourself into great
trouble, my friend,” she said.
“That's where you're wrong,” put in Theron. “Not that I'd mind any
trouble in this wide world, so long as you called me 'my friend,' but
I'm not going to get into any at all. I know a trick worth two of that.
I've learned to be a showman. I can preach now far better than I used
to, and I can get through my work in half the time, and keep on the
right side of my people, and get along with perfect smoothness. I
was too green before. I took the thing seriously, and I let every
mean-fisted curmudgeon and crazy fanatic worry me, and keep me on pins
and needles. I don't do that any more. I've taken a new measure of life.
I see now what life is really worth, and I'm going to have my share of
it. Why should I deliberately deny myself all possible happiness for the
rest of my days, simply because I made a fool of myself when I was in my
teens? Other men are not eternally punished like that, for what they
did as boys, and I won't submit to it either. I will be as free to enjoy
myself as--as Father Forbes.”
Celia smiled softly, and shook her head again. “Poor man, to call HIM
free!” she said: “why, he is bound hand and foot. You don't in the least
realize how he is hedged about, the work he has to do, the thousand
suspicious eyes that watch his every movement, eager to bring the Bishop
down upon him. And then think of his sacrifice--the great sacrifice of
all--to never know what love means, to forswear his manhood, to live
a forlorn, celibate life--you have no idea how sadly that appeals to a
woman.”
“Let us sit down here for a little,” said Theron; “we seem at the end of
the path.” She seated herself on the root-based mound, and he reclined
at her side, with an arm carelessly extended behind her on the moss.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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