They said that about forty-five was a perilous age for a man—especially
for an artist. All the autumn of last year he had felt this vague misery
rather badly. It had left him alone most of December and January, while
he was working so hard at his group of lions; but the moment that was
finished it had gripped him hard again. In those last days of January
he well remembered wandering about in the parks day after day, trying
to get away from it. Mild weather, with a scent in the wind! With what
avidity he had watched children playing, the premature buds on the
bushes, anything, everything young—with what an ache, too, he had been
conscious of innumerable lives being lived round him, and loves loved,
and he outside, unable to know, to grasp, to gather them; and all
the time the sands of his hourglass running out! A most absurd and
unreasonable feeling for a man with everything he wanted, with work that
he loved, quite enough money, and a wife so good as Sylvia—a feeling
that no Englishman of forty-six, in excellent health, ought for a moment
to have been troubled with. A feeling such as, indeed, no Englishman
ever admitted having—so that there was not even, as yet, a Society for
its suppression. For what was this disquiet feeling, but the sense that
he had had his day, would never again know the stir and fearful joy
of falling in love, but only just hanker after what was past and gone!
Could anything be more reprehensible in a married man?
It was—yes—the last day of January, when, returning from one of those
restless rambles in Hyde Park, he met Dromore. Queer to recognize a
man hardly seen since school-days. Yet unmistakably, Johnny Dromore,
sauntering along the rails of Piccadilly on the Green Park side, with
that slightly rolling gait of his thin, horseman's legs, his dandified
hat a little to one side, those strange, chaffing, goggling eyes, that
look, as if making a perpetual bet. Yes—the very same teasing, now
moody, now reckless, always astute Johnny Dromore, with a good heart
beneath an outside that seemed ashamed of it. Truly to have shared a
room at school—to have been at College together, were links mysteriously
indestructible.
“Mark Lennan! By gum! haven't seen you for ages. Not since you turned
out a full-blown—what d'you call it? Awfully glad to meet you, old
chap!” Here was the past indeed, long vanished in feeling and thought
and all; and Lennan's head buzzed, trying to find some common interest
with this hunting, racing man-about-town.
Johnny Dromore come to life again—he whom the Machine had stamped with
astute simplicity by the time he was twenty-two, and for ever after left
untouched in thought and feeling—Johnny Dromore, who would never pass
beyond the philosophy that all was queer and freakish which had not to
do with horses, women, wine, cigars, jokes, good-heartedness, and that
perpetual bet; Johnny Dromore, who, somewhere in him, had a pocket of
depth, a streak of hunger, that was not just Johnny Dromore.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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