By just closing his eyes he could see her standing there with the
firelight glow on her red frock; could feel again that marvellous thrill
when she pressed herself against him in the half-innocent, seducing
moment when she first came in; could feel again her eyes drawing—drawing
him! She was a witch, a grey-eyed, brown-haired witch—even unto her love
of red. She had the witch's power of lighting fever in the veins. And he
simply wondered at himself, that he had not, as she stood there in
the firelight, knelt, and put his arms round her and pressed his face
against her waist. Why had he not? But he did not want to think; the
moment thought began he knew he must be torn this way and that, tossed
here and there between reason and desire, pity and passion. Every sense
struggled to keep him wrapped in the warmth and intoxication of this
discovery that he, in the full of Autumn, had awakened love in Spring.
It was amazing that she could have this feeling; yet there was no
mistake. Her manner to Sylvia just now had been almost dangerously
changed; there had been a queer cold impatience in her look, frightening
from one who but three months ago had been so affectionate. And, going
away, she had whispered, with that old trembling-up at him, as if
offering to be kissed: “I may come, mayn't I? And don't be angry with
me, please; I can't help it.” A monstrous thing at his age to let a
young girl love him—compromise her future! A monstrous thing by all
the canons of virtue and gentility! And yet—what future?—with that
nature—those eyes—that origin—with that father, and that home? But he
would not—simply must not think!
Nevertheless, he showed the signs of thought, and badly; for after
dinner Sylvia, putting her hand on his forehead, said:
“You're working too hard, Mark. You don't go out enough.”
He held those fingers fast. Sylvia! No, indeed he must not think! But he
took advantage of her words, and said that he would go out and get some
air.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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