mother. She could not. It would be wicked! In that moment of intense
spiritual agony, those two down there in the sun, by the grey stone and
the dark water, seemed guarded from her, protected. The girl's white
flower-face trembling up, the boy's gaze leaping down! Strange that a
heart which felt that, could hate at the same moment that flower-face,
and burn to kill with kisses that eagerness in the boy's eyes. The
storm in her slowly passed. And she prayed just to feel nothing. It was
natural that she should lose her hour! Natural that her thirst should go
unslaked, and her passion never bloom; natural that youth should go to
youth, this boy to his own kind, by the law of—love. The breeze blowing
down the valley fanned her cheeks, and brought her a faint sensation
of relief. Nobility! Was it just a word? Or did those that gave up
happiness feel noble?
She wandered for a long time in the park. Not till late afternoon did
she again pass out by the gate, through which she had entered, full of
hope. She met no one before she reached her room; and there, to be
safe, took refuge in her bed. She dreaded only lest the feeling of utter
weariness should leave her. She wanted no vigour of mind or body till
she was away from here. She meant neither to eat nor drink; only to
sleep, if she could. To-morrow, if there were any early train, she could
be gone before she need see anyone; her husband must arrange. As to what
he would think, and she could say—time enough to decide that. And what
did it matter? The one vital thing now was not to see the boy, for she
could not again go through hours of struggle like those. She rang the
bell, and sent the startled maid with a message to her husband. And
while she waited for him to come, her pride began revolting. She must
not let him see. That would be horrible. And slipping out of bed she got
a handkerchief and the eau-de-Cologne flask, and bandaged her forehead.
He came almost instantly, entering in his quick, noiseless way, and
stood looking at her. He did not ask what was the matter, but simply
waited. And never before had she realized so completely how he began,
as it were, where she left off; began on a plane from which instinct and
feeling were as carefully ruled out as though they had been blasphemous.
She summoned all her courage, and said: “I went into the park; the sun
must have been too hot. I should like to go home to-morrow, if you don't
mind. I can't bear not feeling well in other people's houses.”
She was conscious of a smile flickering over his face; then it grew
grave.
“Ah!” he said; “yes. The sun, a touch of that will last some days. Will
you be fit to travel, though?”
She had a sudden conviction that he knew all about it, but that—since
to know all about it was to feel himself ridiculous—he had the power of
making himself believe that he knew nothing. Was this fine of him, or
was it hateful?
She closed her eyes and said:
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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