On the wild thyme, under the olives below the rock village of Gorbio,
with their mules cropping at a little distance, those two sat after
their lunch, listening to the cuckoos. Since their uncanny chance
meeting that morning in the gardens, when they sat with their hands just
touching, amazed and elated by their own good fortune, there was not
much need to say what they felt, to break with words this rapture of
belonging to each other—so shyly, so wildly, so, as it were, without
reality. They were like epicures with old wine in their glasses, not yet
tired of its fragrance and the spell of anticipation.
And so their talk was not of love, but, in that pathetic way of
star-crossed lovers, of the things they loved; leaving out—each other.
It was the telling of her dream that brought the words from him at last;
but she drew away, and answered:
“It can't—it mustn't be!”
Then he just clung to her hand; and presently, seeing that her eyes were
wet, took courage enough to kiss her cheek.
Trembling and fugitive indeed that first passage of their love. Not much
of the conquering male in him, nor in her of the ordinary enchantress.
And then they went, outwardly sober enough, riding their mules down the
stony slopes back to Mentone.
But in the grey, dusty railway-carriage when she had left him, he was
like a man drugged, staring at where she had sat opposite.
Two hours later, at dinner in her hotel, between her and Mrs. Ercott,
with the Colonel opposite, he knew for the first time what he was faced
with. To watch every thought that passed within him, lest it should by
the slightest sign betray him; to regulate and veil every look and every
word he spoke to her; never for a second to forget that these other
persons were actual and dangerous, not merely the insignificant and
grotesque shadows that they seemed. It would be perhaps for ever a part
of his love for her to seem not to love her. He did not dare dream of
fulfilment. He was to be her friend, and try to bring her happiness—burn
and long for her, and not think about reward. This was his first real
overwhelming passion—so different to the loves of spring—and he brought
to it all that naivete, that touching quality of young Englishmen, whose
secret instinct it is to back away from the full nature of love, even
from admitting that it has that nature. They two were to love, and—not
to love! For the first time he understood a little of what that meant. A
few stolen adoring minutes now and then, and, for the rest, the presence
of a world that must be deceived. Already he had almost a hatred of that
orderly, brown-faced Colonel, with his eyes that looked so steady
and saw nothing; of that flat, kindly lady, who talked so pleasantly
throughout dinner, saying things that he had to answer without knowing
what they signified. He realized, with a sense of shock, that he was
deprived of all interests in life but one; not even his work had any
meaning apart from HER. It lit no fire within him to hear Mrs.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
Reviews
Reviews
No reviews yet
Be the first to share your thoughts on this work.
Elsewhere in the archive
Join the Discussion
Join the discussion
Sign in to leave a comment or review.
Sign InorCreate an account