On deck, the Colonel, laden with bags, was looking back for her, and
trying to keep a space between him and his wife. He signalled with his
chin. Threading her way towards him, she happened to look up. By the
rails of the pier above she saw her husband. He was leaning there,
looking intently down; his tall broad figure made the people on each
side of him seem insignificant. The clean-shaved, square-cut face, with
those almost epileptic, forceful eyes, had a stillness and intensity
beside which the neighbouring faces seemed to disappear. She saw him
very clearly, even noting the touch of silver in his dark hair, on each
side under his straw hat; noting that he seemed too massive for his
neat blue suit. His face relaxed; he made a little movement of one hand.
Suddenly it shot through her: Suppose Mark had travelled with them, as
he had wished to do? For ever and ever now, that dark massive creature,
smiling down at her, was her enemy; from whom she must guard and keep
herself if she could; keep, at all events, each one of her real thoughts
and hopes! She could have writhed, and cried out; instead, she tightened
her grip on the handle of her bag, and smiled. Though so skilled in
knowledge of his moods, she felt, in his greeting, his fierce grip of
her shoulders, the smouldering of some feeling the nature of which she
could not quite fathom. His voice had a grim sincerity: “Glad you're
back—thought you were never coming!” Resigned to his charge, a feeling
of sheer physical faintness so beset her that she could hardly reach
the compartment he had reserved. It seemed to her that, for all her
foreboding, she had not till this moment had the smallest inkling of
what was now before her; and at his muttered: “Must we have the old
fossils in?” she looked back to assure herself that her Uncle and Aunt
were following. To avoid having to talk, she feigned to have travelled
badly, leaning back with closed eyes, in her corner. If only she could
open them and see, not this square-jawed face with its intent gaze of
possession, but that other with its eager eyes humbly adoring her. The
interminable journey ended all too soon. She clung quite desperately to
the Colonel's hand on the platform at Charing Cross. When his kind face
vanished she would be lost indeed! Then, in the closed cab, she heard
her husband's: “Aren't you going to kiss me?” and submitted to his
embrace.
She tried so hard to think: What does it matter? It's not I, not my
soul, my spirit—only my miserable lips!
She heard him say: “You don't seem too glad to see me!” And then: “I
hear you had young Lennan out there. What was HE doing?”
She felt the turmoil of sudden fear, wondered whether she was showing
it, lost it in unnatural alertness—all in the second before she
answered: “Oh! just a holiday.”
Some seconds passed, and then he said:
“You didn't mention him in your letters.”
She answered coolly: “Didn't I? We saw a good deal of him.”
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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