Male friendship -- Fiction; Man-woman relationships -- Fiction; New York (N.Y.) -- Fiction; Young men -- Fiction
It was not long before he put to himself for the first time a question:
What was killing the friendship between Tom and himself? For an
uncharted time, he had been in fever, in trance; he had not looked at
all. Now, seeing with sudden eyes, he saw their friendship and how it
had changed, and how a blight was on it.
Always there had been flurries of irritation; swift misgivings; shadows.
How much else there had been! Warm communion: the sweet living in Tom’s
strength and in the knowledge of his caring: the sheer delight of
watching his clear mind cut through the mists of life, like a bird soar
and sing over his head. Where now these delights?... It came to David
how, for a long time already, they had not been....
Tom came home without taking his dinner. He was not hungry: also he knew
that David would be out. He sat motionless in his favorite straight-back
chair and took the storm of his senses with heroic grimness.
In such an hour, David’s absence moved him obliquely. He was glad of his
solitude in their room: fearful of the tread in the hall that must break
it. And yet, he was listening, yearning,--suddenly possessed of the
sense of something missing, and that thing vital, and that thing David.
He caught himself back, in an eternal question: “If he were here, what
would you say to each other?”
This raging schism there was in all his thoughts: he yearned to hold
David, and he yearned to be rid of him. Two monsters, these desires,
feeding upon each other, feeding upon him. He helpless against them. If
he wounded the one, its hurt was strength to the other. How could he
kill the one, without being overwhelmed at once by its opponent? In
their balance he was torn away by conflict, yet in their balance he was
saved from some black annihilation he could not envisage. How could he
lose David altogether? In what realm lived his wish altogether to have
him?
David came in.
Night had crept up sweetly from the street. The City brooded in memory
of an August which had come like a woman’s madness. It was still warm. A
breeze came dancing through the open window. The room where Tom sat
rigid seemed faintly a-swing in a sea: the glow and scent and murmur of
the City was a wave, heaving the room. The wind whipped it gently.
David came in and saw Tom sitting so strangely stiff; he stopped. Tom,
this time, had not budged. He looked at David. He saw his open gentle
face and its sweetness, he knew how unbearable it was that he should
lose him.
“David, won’t you come and sit down?”
David came. Crossing the room, he stumbled on the rug.
“David ... what is there wrong between us?”
His head was turned toward his friend. David looked; there was Tom’s
full face pleading toward him. His eyes were bright in the shadow: they
glanced with a sharp pain and a great welling wish, like tears.
David’s hand instinctively went out: he rested it upon his own knee.
“I don’t know, Tom.... I don’t know.”
Very faintly he spoke. There was a warm moistness in his mouth.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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