Male friendship -- Fiction; Man-woman relationships -- Fiction; New York (N.Y.) -- Fiction; Young men -- Fiction
She looked at the little huddle of clay on the level of her head. She
unwound the clinging cloth. She knew that she was bored. It was nothing
but a huddle of dull clay. In it was lost somewhere the head of a boy.
It was her task to find him, to bring him out, so she could go on when
her model came. She found she did not care. The clay and the boy’s head
were remote. With all her effort, she could not bring them nearer. She
looked at her work as if it had been the work of another person, very
dim and weak, and very far away. She saw that it was hopelessly bad. She
saw that Tom was right. He did not take her Art with any seriousness.
That did not matter. Plenty of people did. She had won prizes. She was
on Committees of Exhibition. Last year the Metropolitan Museum had
bought her Dawn. But all of this was wrong. She did not care. She knew!
She knew her Art was worthless. Because it bored her. It was a task.
Ever since she had had time to give herself to it, it had not deceived
her. Ever since she was an artist she had known she was no artist at
all. David never spoke of her work. It meant nothing to him. He said he
did not understand such matters. Nonsense! She remembered his childish
outburst of joy at a Chinese vase they had seen one day in a shop-window
on Fifth Avenue. What did he know of Chinese vases? Yet he had loved it.
Had he once captured such a moment from her casts, it had perhaps been
different.
How strange it all was, what an ironic time of it the world was having
with its men and women! She had yearned to escape in order to be an
artist. She had left home, risked life. She and Tom slaved, at one time
nearly starved, while she pursued her dream. Here she was: Cornelia
Rennard, Sculptress. And ashes in her hand. But what was more than
strange: she did not seem to care. It all seemed natural enough. Like a
tale whose end she knew and whose telling bored her.
Tom was right....
She found she had unconsciously redraped the wet rag around her model.
She thought of David. The resolve: the resolve! How dimly she reacted to
life this morning! Not alone this morning. She had never thought even of
looking out of the window. Look! it was snowing. She leaned against the
window-seat. The snow came swirling, merry, through blue air. There was
little wind. The street was muffled and passive: strangely quiet street
under the merry snow.
David might have come. Did he hate her? she wondered. She was
importunate, cloying perhaps. Young blood hates such a woman. Almost she
blamed herself for the fact that her nights were streaked with yearning
for him.
“But he does not know. He does not know. I have not bothered him
_really_....” She pleaded with him. Let her have at least her nights of
broken dreams, her days broken with worry.
She had definitely given up her modeling for the day, she had a sense of
relief.
“Giulio does not seem to be coming at any rate,” she excused herself.
She went on: “If he comes, I’ll pay him and send him off.”
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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