Male friendship -- Fiction; Man-woman relationships -- Fiction; New York (N.Y.) -- Fiction; Young men -- Fiction
He was very excited. He said no word of his own doubts. He said no word
of his vast sacrifice which his unproved convictions had forced upon
him. He could have become rich in the practice of medicine. No one knew
this better than Conrad Westerling. No one more than this Jew of
sensitive family and depleted means loved the luxury and the freedom of
money. All his life he would labor at an insignificant salary because of
the depth of his sense of service. A true poet of Science. But of all
this he said no word. He could not. To one person he needed to say all
this: the person he loved, to Helen. But until she said that she loved
him, he could not even to her. The strategy of showing his better self,
of gaining her allegiance to his cause in order to help win her, was
beyond him. Speaking stridently and harshly now, it was his need of
tenderness and his deep respect for the tenderness of Helen, that spoke.
The Daindries could not know this, could not quite conceal their
shrinking from him. It was not a question of right, it was a matter of
taste. A too passionate devotion to an ideal was an untoward display, it
was out of place: quite as would be a too naked display of devotion to a
woman. This stern stiff man was at work perhaps wiping away an entailed
incubus upon the life of man, but he lacked amenity. Their nerves told
them this. Their minds hinted that he had intellect and courage. But
like all proper people, what their nerves ordered came first.
David had liked his words. They excited him. He had understood them less
than Mr. Daindrie or than Helen. But he had visioned more. What came in
to him was precisely the personal anguish, the personal
immolation--though he could not configure them beneath his antagonizing
words. He saw also Helen’s shrinking from the violence of those words:
as if they laid hands on her, threatened to exclude all others and
possess her. It seemed that Helen did not want to be possessed by truth.
It must be something warmer, something smaller perhaps, that would
possess her. So David felt the true content of Westerling’s words. They
held a burden of great courage, a plea of love: these he was really
offering to her: these she would not accept.
David walked a few blocks to the car with Westerling. He held out his
hand.
“I like what you said at dinner, oh--so much, Doctor!”
He wanted to say far more.
“Do you?”
Westerling looked sourly, haughtily at him, as if David were trying to
hurt him. With a stiff body too erect he shook David’s hand--dropped it
with a gesture of completion.
“Good-night.”
So David could not go on.
But he went to Cornelia, to whom he knew he could speak.
“I don’t think,” he said, “I am going back ever again to see Miss
Daindrie.”
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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