_The unfairness of it gives me strength to write what perhaps I might
not dare if I were not so indignant, but it has to be said. Never,
never, under any circumstances, will I ask Osbert to do more for you
than he has already done. Please understand that that is my last word.
Last year we lived on less than £200, including Tony's school bills,
which you will not now have to pay. With care, you ought to be quite
comfortable on what you have._
_I do not know whether Osbert means to make me any allowance. He has
said nothing about it yet, and I cannot ask him. If he does, you shall
have anything I can spare, you know how little I want myself. At least,
I ought to be able to keep Tony in pocket-money, the darling has
suffered so from not having any. At this moment I have five shillings
in the world, which I must use to buy materials to embroider a kimono
for my Pansy. I promised her that! It is to be blue, with pale pink
embroidery. Tell her I have not forgotten; I will get it next time I go
out shopping._
_I have been resting all yesterday and to-day, and I think I shall
soon pick up my strength; but not if you write me such cruel letters.
Oh, mother, for father's sake, who told me always to take care of you,
don't let me think that what I have done has been all in vain!_
Virginia.
Osbert Gaunt pushed back his chair. His face was ghastly, and the drops
stood on his forehead. He felt as if the house were too small, too
close, to contain him. With shaking hands he pushed the letter and its
envelope into a drawer, stumbled to his feet, hastened from the room,
snatched a hat from the hall, and went out into the moonlight.
He walked on blindly, striding fast, taking the direction that led him
down into the long avenue through the park, from which one approached
the house upon its southern side. He knew now what he had done. He had
immolated an innocent victim. He felt as if there might be blood upon
his hands. Stories are told of men who, having lost the use of a
portion of the brain, have had this restored by means of a sudden shock
or a terrific blow. Something of the kind had now happened to Gaunt. He
looked back upon the man whom he had been, whom he had gradually
become, during the past twenty years, as upon a leper. He shuddered at
the very idea of such a monster.
Always before the eye of his imagination was the outline of Virginia's
pale beauty, suffused with rose and gold. He recalled her patient
quietude, her dignity and sadness. He knew now what she had been
feeling. She had been quivering under the lash of her mother's
diabolical selfishness; she had just relieved the anguish of her soul
by writing that letter.
And he! What of the man who had tempted her?
A wild idea of crawling to her feet, of kissing them, of crying to her
for pardon, turned him about and sent him striding unevenly half a mile
upon his homeward way.
The futility of such a course suddenly struck him and once more turned
him back.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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