By a little after six that evening Paul found himself again a prisoner
in the gaol where he had previously spent six months. But this time
all was different. On the former occasion, even although he knew he
had been unjustly accused and more unjustly prosecuted, he was aware
that much public sympathy was felt for him. He was regarded as a kind
of hero among a large class of people. He felt sure, too, that in due
course his name would be cleared, and even although the marks of his
prison life would ever remain upon him, he would be outwardly very
little the worse for what he suffered.
Now, however, the situation was worse. The sky was black and murky;
the air was smoke-laden; the atmosphere seemed to be tense with gloom;
but it was not blacker than the sky of his life. Everything was
hopeless, and he could do nothing.
Hour after hour he sat in Strangeways Gaol, thinking and wondering.
When the magistrates had remanded him for trial, he had shown no sign,
but had stood proud, calm, erect, and had shown no perturbation
whatever at their judgment. It might have been the most commonplace
thing imaginable. But now that he was alone in his cell everything was
different. He saw what it all meant, and he knew, too, where the
pathway in which he had elected to tread would lead.
He was not a coward, and he had steeled his heart against the worst.
Death he did not fear; but even although he believed that to no man who
was dead was there any life hereafter, and, as a consequence, he would
know nothing of what took place, he dreaded the thought of disgrace.
He knew that throughout the whole land his portrait would be printed in
a thousand papers. He knew he would be discussed by people whom he
despised. He knew that his name would be a byword and a hissing in the
country, while his mother---- But no, he would not think of her.
And what of his hopes? What of his ambitions? What of his life's
work? All seemed to be at an end. He called to mind what his mother
had said to him years before on the Altarnun Moors. "Find your
father," she had said. "Clear your name from reproach, and be revenged
for all he did." And now he would have to die, with his work
unaccomplished. In spite of everything, he had failed to find his
father, failed to find the slightest clue to his whereabouts. Thus, as
far as that went, his life's work would be unaccomplished. He thought
of his career, the career which he was just beginning to make
brilliant. He had become a Member of Parliament. He had risen from
obscurity to what was the promise of fame. He had been invited to the
houses of the rich and great. His name had been spoken of as one that
would have a great future, and now all that was at an end.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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