He still spoke in the same slow, measured tones, his voice somewhat
husky, but every word reaching the ears of all present. And as he
spoke, Paul seemed to feel as though the foundations of the world were
slipping away from under his feet. His thoughts of revenge were being
scattered to the winds. He had never dreamt of this; never in the
wildest of his imaginings had he thought Judge Bolitho would have made
such a confession. Even now he could not understand it, much less
realise it; but he felt it to be the most tragic moment of his life.
He felt as if the world could never be the same to him again. And yet
he hated the judge. Why it was he could not tell; but even as he
spoke, even as he made this most momentous confession, his heart
steeled against his father. In spite of his humility, in spite of his
suffering, in spite of what it must have cost him to have spoken the
words to which he had just listened, he still hated him. The man had
wrecked his mother's life, robbed her of her girlhood, sent her away
into loneliness and sorrow, allowed her to bear her disgrace in
solitude. He had robbed him also of his boyhood, of his name. He had
ever been his enemy. From the first time they had met he had sought to
crush him; and he wondered, even now, with a mad wonder, whether there
were not some kind of ulterior motive prompting him to say these things.
The effect, however, upon the spectators, was entirely different.
Although his words seemed commonplace enough, there was something
pathetic in them. All present realised something of the inwardness of
that to which they had just been listening. Although it was no
distinct thought in their minds, all realised what it must have cost
him to make such a confession. When he said that he had made it in
order to ask his son's forgiveness, a great sobbing sigh swept like a
wave over the court.
Still the judge spoke on in the same slow, measured tones, although all
felt that he was a man in agony.
"Of the rights and wrongs of this trial," he went on, "it is for me to
say nothing. Whether I believe Paul Stepaside, my son, to be guilty of
the murder of the late Edward Wilson I must not say. It will be for
another to listen to the evidence. It will be for another to advise
the jury concerning their verdict. I am simply the judge who has been,
and therefore can say nothing except this--that if Paul Stepaside is
guilty of the murder of Edward Wilson, I am not innocent. If he struck
him the blow which has been described, a measure of the guilt belongs
to me. If I had done my duty to him as a child, as a youth, and as a
young man, he would, in all probability, not have been here. And
therefore, although technically and legally I know nothing of the
murder, if he is guilty I must share in his guilt. This I say that the
truth may be understood and realised."
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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