“And to-day?” asked Cecily. “You came back to-day to see him?”
“Yes. Of course I had no idea you were here.... I thought I might--he
might....” She laid the latch-key with which she had entered on the
table between them.
The room was quite still. Cecily scarcely knew how to define her
sensations, but relief was one of them--the greatest. She was glad,
inexpressibly glad to find her new suspicions of Robert groundless. She
started when Philippa sprang with sudden passion to her feet.
“Oh!” she cried, “how you despise me, don’t you? But if you’d had my
existence----Do you know what life means for a woman who has no money?”
she demanded, fiercely. “Do you know what it means to be turned out
into the world when your parents die, without influence, without proper
training for any work, just to sink or swim as you can? I tell you,
you clutch at anything, at anybody.... I shall have to tell you.... I
lived with a woman once--and there was some money--I”--she moistened
her dry lips--“I had the handling of her--money, and I--I meant to
return it, of course. But she found out before I had time. She was
hard--as hard as nails. She gave me a certain time to pay it back, and
if I didn’t she threatened to make it public. Well--I borrowed it--I
had to--from a man.” Again she suddenly lowered her eyes--and Cecily
understood. “It’s he who threatens,” she went on in a choking voice.
“It’s not paid back yet--and he’s poor---- Oh, you’ve never met such
a man in your world, of course! _You_ don’t know the sort of man
who would----It’s the money he wants. And I can’t marry Nigel, because
he--this man will go to him, and----”
She threw herself on the sofa and hid her face.
Cecily drew nearer. Human misery is terrible to witness. She was moved
inexpressibly. Philippa’s affectations, her poses, her exasperating
mannerisms, had dropped from her, leaving her just a naked, shivering
human soul, desperately afraid.
“Philippa!” she whispered, bending over her, “if only you had ever,
even _once_ before, been sincere with me!” She spoke in a voice
trembling with pity, and Philippa looked up.
“Go on,” she said. “Don’t be afraid to tell me everything.”
Philippa raised her head, pushing her hair away from her haggard eyes.
She looked old and beaten and hunted as she sat there.
“There’s nothing much to tell,” she said, doggedly. “That’s what I
did--and I’ve paid for it. It’s awful to get into a net. I saw your
husband was interested in me--at the beginning, I mean. I couldn’t
afford to let him go.”
The slow color rose to Cecily’s cheek. Chaotic emotions surged within
her; among them shame, and a curious despairing pity that after all
her husband had never been loved--merely tricked,--deceived. “Poor
Robin!” she found herself repeating silently, with a sort of passion of
protection, as she returned in thought to the “little” name of their
happy days.
Philippa was still talking, wildly, incoherently, as though with relief.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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