What I expect from you is pleasant gossip about the miller's daughter. Is she engaged yet to the postman? Has the choir begun to practise the Christmas anthem? When does Mrs Bates' husband come out? These are the things you should tell me. Tell me, too, of your simple recreations. Has whist reached Castle Bumpbrook yet? It is a jolly game for four. One person deals and you turn up the last card, and then the---- But I must send you a book about it. I have been having a correspondence with my landlord as to what I should do in case of fire. Of course, if your little cottage got alight, you would simply hop out of the window on to the geranium bed; but it is different in London. Particularly when you are on the top floor. Well, he tells me that I can easily get out on to Mr Podby's roof next door ... and so home. This is certainly comforting, but--Podby! I don't like it, Charles. Supposing anything happened, just think how it would look in the papers. "The unfortunate gentleman was last seen upon Mr Podby's roof...." No, I shall have to go for the drain-pipe at the back. Look here, I have two stories to tell you. One is quite true, the other isn't. Which will you have first? All right, the truth. When I first came to town I was very--I mean I believed everything I was told. One Sunday I met a small but elderly gentleman on the Embankment, who asked me the way to the German Embassy. He had the river to his south, so obviously all the embassies were in the other direction. I pointed vaguely towards the north. He thanked me and said that---- (By the way, do you prefer _oratio recta_? I forgot to ask you.) Well, then, he said: "The embassies would be shut on a Sunday, hein?" I said: "Doubtless." He said: "I am a Professor at Heidelberg. I have just arrived in London, and I have no money. To-morrow I go to my Embassy and get some. Meanwhile, could you lend me five shillings?" Charles, in those days I was very---- Well, I gave him half-a-crown. He said: "I should like to pay this back to you." I said: "Quite so. That is the idea." "Then would you give me your card, so that I can send you the money to-morrow?" Charles, I---- You see, I had just had some cards printed. They had "Mr" on for the first time. I was very---- Well, I gave him one. That ends the first scene. An interval of nearly five years elapses, and we come to last Saturday. I was walking through the Green Park, when a small but elderly gentleman came up to me. He said: "Is this the way to the School of Music?" I said: "Which one do you want? There is the Guildhall School, and the Royal College, and the Royal Academy, and----" He thought for a moment, and then he said in German the German for "Do you speak German?" (My dear Charles, I _can't_ spell it). I said "Nein." He considered a little, and said, "Parlez-vous français?" I said--(What's the French for "Not very well"? Well, that's what I said).