"Why," I shouted, "do I hit the ball with a ridiculous club like this? I could send it farther with a cricket bat. I could push it straighter with a billiard cue. Where's that bag? I am going to have a lucky dip." I dipped, and came up with what Thomas called a cleek. "Now then," I said. I didn't stop to address the Colonel, I simply lashed at him. He flew along the ground at a terrific pace. "Well kept down," said Thomas admiringly. "By Jove!" I cried, "that's never going to stop. See how he flies along ... now he breasts the slope ... look, he is taking the water jump.... Ah, he has crossed his legs, he's down." "This," I said to Thomas as we walked after the Colonel, "is golf. A glorious game." "What nonsense," I said to Thomas, "they put in comic papers about golf. All that about digging up the turf! ... and missing the ball! ... and breaking the clubs! I mean, I simply don't see how one _could_! Let's see, I've played four, haven't I?" "Five," said Thomas. "What I am wondering," he added, "is why you should have been afraid of using any club in your small island off the coast of Scotland." CHAPTER IV _Twenty Strokes After_ "The green, the green," I shouted joyfully, in the manner of the ancient Greeks, though I was only on the edge of it. "Go on," said Thomas. I took a careful aim and put the white down. "You see," I said carelessly, leaning on my putter. STUMP CRICKET April will soon be here," said Miss Middleton, with a sigh of happiness. "Bless it," I agreed. "My favourite month. Twelve," I added conversationally, "is my lucky number, and Thursday the day of the week on which I do least work. When next the twelfth of April falls on a Thursday, which may not be for centuries, look out. Something terrific will happen." "It's about now that one begins to wonder if one is in form, or likely to be." "Just about now," I agreed. "I always say that when the draw is announced for the semi-finals of the English Cup, in which, of course, I take not the slightest interest whatever, and in fact hardly know what teams are left in for it, though I must say I hope Southampton wins this year, because, after all, Fry did play for them once, but they'll have a bit of a job to beat the Wolves you know--and then there's Newcastle and Fulham after that, and of course, you can't be ..." "I'm tired of that sentence," said Miss Middleton. "So was I. I only wanted to make it clear that I have no use for these spectacular gladiatorial combats. Give me cricket, the game of----" Miss Middleton did not appear to be listening. "Do you bowl as fast and as good a length as you talk?" she asked thoughtfully. "No. More swerve perhaps. And I bowl with my head a good deal." "I see. Quite different. Well, then, will you coach me this spring? Do, there's a dear." "I should love to. I know all the things to say." She got up excitedly.