"I don't like you in this one. It doesn't suit you at all." "So I thought at first. But if you gaze at it very earnestly for three hours, and then look up at the ceiling, you----" "Why, there _is_ mother. Hold up." "I fancy we have rather a good action in this figure. Do you think she's noticing it? I hope she knows that we _could_ stand on one leg without moving the other one at all. I mean I don't want her to think---- Hallo, here we are. Good-bye. See you again in the next figure but one." And the Duchess of Kirkcudbright (N.B.) trips off. I put in the "N.B." because she is very particular about it; and I say "trips" because I know the ground. II. AT A DANCE "Then you really are coming?" said Queen Elizabeth, as she gave me my third cup of tea. "Yes, I really am," I sighed. "What as?" "I don't know at all--something with a cold. I leave it to you, partner, only don't go a black suit." "What about Richelieu?" "I should never be able to pronounce that," I confessed. "Besides, I always think that these great scientists--I should say, philos--that is, of course, that these generals--er, which room is the encyclopædia in?" "You might go as one of the kings of England. Which is your favourite king?" "William and Mary. Now that _would_ be an original costume. I should have----" "Don't be ridiculous. Why not Henry VIII.?" "Do you think I should get a lot of partners as Henry VIII.? Anyhow, I don't think it's a very becoming figure." "But you don't wear fancy dress simply because it's becoming." "Well, that is rather the point to settle. Are we going to enhance my natural beauty, or would you like it--er--toned down a little? Of course, I _could_ go as the dog-faced man, only----" "Very well then, if you don't like Henry, what about Edward I.?" "But why do you want to thrust royalty on me? I'd much sooner go as Perkin Warbeck. I should wear a brown perkin--jerkin." "Jack is going as Sir Walter Raleigh." "Then I shall certainly touch him for a cigarette," I said, as I got up to go. * * * * * * * It was a week later that I met Elizabeth in Bond Street. "Well?" she said, "have you got your things?" "I haven't," I confessed. "I forget who you said you were going as?" "Somebody who had black hair," I said. "I have been thinking it over and I have come to the conclusion that I should have knocked them rather if I had had black hair--instead of curly eyes and blue hair. Can you think of anybody for me?" Queen Elizabeth regarded me as sternly as she might have regarded---- Well, I'm not very good at history. "Do you mean to say," she said at last, "that that is as far as you have got? Somebody who had black hair?" "Hang it," I protested, "it's something to have been measured for the wig." "_Have_ you been measured for your wig?" "Well--er--no--that is to say, not exactly what you might call measured. But--well, the fact is I was just going along now, only--I say, where do I get a wig?"