“He was not unkind to you?”
“No, he was never unkind, never. To the last, when he died raving
mad with delirium tremens, he was always kind. It was seeing his
madness and his ruin that made my trouble. He was violent sometimes,
and threatened to kill me, but that was only when he didn’t know me.
I watched him moping for a week or so, and then one day, I was so
unhappy at seeing him fret, that I thought I would do anything to
cheer him. I fancied he missed the company in this house, and the
cards and dominoes, and billiards—for before we were married he used
to dine at the _table d’hôte_ two or three times a week, and used to
be in the _café_ or in the billiard-room every night.”
“How did he manage to live without a profession, and without
ostensible means?”
Madame shrugged her shoulders.
“God knows. I think he used to write to his old friends—his brother
officers in the navy or the merchant service—and he got a little
from one and a little from another. He would borrow of any one. And
there was a small legacy from his mother’s sister which fell in to
him soon after he came to Jersey. That was all gone before I married
him. He hadn’t a penny after he’d paid the marriage fees. Well,
monsieur, seeing him so downhearted I proposed that he should go down
to the ‘Belle Alliance’ and have a game at billiards and see his old
friends. ‘You needn’t take any money,’ I said, ‘my uncle will treat
you hospitably.’ He seemed pleased at the idea, and he promised to
be home early; but just as he was leaving the house he turned back
and said there was a little bill of thirty shillings he owed to a
bootmaker in the street round the corner, and he didn’t like to pass
the man’s shop without paying. Would I let him have the money? It
was the first money he’d asked me for since we were married, and I
hadn’t the heart to say no, so I went to my little cash-box and took
out three half sovereigns. I told him that the money meant a week’s
housekeeping. ‘I give you nice little dinners, don’t I, Fred?’ I
said, ‘but you’ve no idea how economical I am.’ He laughed and kissed
me, and said he hated economy, and wished he had a fortune for my
sake, and he went down the street whistling. Well, sir, perhaps you
can guess what happened. He came home at three o’clock next morning
mad with drink, and then I knew he was not to be cured. I went on
trying all the same, though, till the last; and I lived the life of a
soul in torment. I was fond of him to the last, and saw him killing
himself inch by inch, and saw him die a dreadful death, one year and
three days after our wedding day. He spent every penny I had in the
world, and my uncle helped us when that was gone, and I came back to
this house after his funeral a broken-hearted woman. All my furniture
which I’d worked for was sold to pay the rent, and the doctors, and
the undertaker. I just saved the furniture in this room, and that is
all that is left of four hundred and seventy pounds and of my married
life.”
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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