The Days of My Life: An AutobiographyOliphant, Mrs. (Margaret)
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The Days of My Life: An Autobiography
Oliphant, Mrs. (Margaret)
Oliphant, Mrs. (Margaret), 1828-1897
A very low rude wall, one of those fences of the country, was round the
church-yard, the church itself was small and poor--a humble little
chapel, where only a few scattered worshippers ever came. I do not know
why it had been permitted to fall so much into neglect, for the family
tomb was in a little chapel closely adjoining and opening from it. This
little shelter of our race was paved with old tombstones, every one
bearing the name of a Southcote, and the walls were covered with tablets
to the memory of the dead of our house. There were two raised tombs
besides, with recumbent figures, memorials of some more distinguished or
more ostentatious than the rest; and this house of the dead was lighted
by a small Gothic window, filled with scraps of ancient glass; here,
under the shelter of this groined roof, within these inscribed and
monumental walls, and not where the free air of heaven should visit his
grave, we were to lay my father. It was well--better for him than the
green grass, the flowers, the sunshine, and the outer human world, was
the little family chapel where, withdrawn from the common dust, his race
and kindred waited till the end.
In silence and solitude I stood at the head while it was being laid in
its place. I did not weep, nor cry, nor faint. I never faltered for an
instant from my firmness. In my cold, cold composure I stood and looked
on. The words of the service never woke me, yet I heard every one of
them. I noticed the very tone of the clergyman's voice, and the habitual
cadence of the words. I knew it was because he said them so often that
they rang to that measure. I observed everything; not the smallest
incident escaped my eye. By and bye all was silent again--it was over,
and we had to go away.
Only then did I linger for a moment--I looked round upon this well
frequented place, where so many had been brought and had been left
before. I glanced over all the names, how full it was. This place was
home. The house we were all born to inhabit--the permanent, lasting
dwelling-place. The new comer was not alone here; he was gathered to his
fathers; he was entered upon his last and sweet inheritance. I came away
with a steady step--I think almost with a smile upon my face. My father
had many friends around and beside him--only I was alone.
And then we set out to return to our life, and left the dead behind.
Oh! life inexorable--cruel! how it sweeps upon the traces of the last
slow journey, and beats out the mourner's footprints with its race and
tumult! It was not hard to leave him, for he was well; but it was hard
to note our quickened pace, to know that we were going back to
every-day. No one spoke--I was thankful for that--even Mr. Osborne did
not break upon the silence. Once more the people in the fields looked up
to see us going back again, and the light came from the west, and the
labors were almost over, and we had left our new inhabitant in the
grave; that was all the world knew of us as we went home.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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