The Days of My Life: An AutobiographyOliphant, Mrs. (Margaret)
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The Days of My Life: An Autobiography
Oliphant, Mrs. (Margaret)
Oliphant, Mrs. (Margaret), 1828-1897
In the early evening, when the sun had just set--baby, by this time,
having had his full share of attendance, and Flora herself, by especial
favor, having been permitted to place him in his cradle--I set out with
her to the railway, which was at a considerable distance from the
village. But when we were ready to go, I suddenly remembered I had but
one glove, and Alice as suddenly perceived the want upon my finger. "Do
you not wear your ring to-day, dear?" whispered Alice, looking at me
anxiously as she put my shawl round me. In the same whispering tone, but
with guilt at heart, I answered, "I lost it by the waterside this
morning," and Alice uttered a subdued cry of joy. I had happily
forgotten it all this day, but when it occurred to me I felt
considerably disturbed and timid. I could not persuade myself I had lost
it honestly. I fancied I could still see it gleaming among the pebbles
at the water's edge when I could so easily have picked it up, and if it
did come back to me after this, I fancied I would, more than ever, think
it a fate.
We had a long pleasant walk in the peaceful sweet evening. Flora's
influence over me had always been good; to-night she made me almost as
light of heart as herself, and we parted with a great many hopes on her
part of seeing me again before she left London, and with a good deal of
sadness on mine. When I turned back alone, I found even a tear hanging
upon my eye-lash. Her young, sweet, unshadowed hope was a great contrast
to mine, but that was not what made me sad; I liked Flora, she seemed to
connect me at once with the bright girlhood and young womanhood of
which, in my solitary life, I had known so little, and it grieved me to
think that for a long time, perhaps for ever, I might not see her again.
Natural likings and desires came upon me so strangely in that unnatural
position: I should have liked to go to Flora's marriage, to help her in
her preparations, to do all which young people, friends to each other,
delight to do on such occasions; and the thought that her mother now,
and, most likely, her husband hereafter, would rather discourage Flora's
affection for me, was rather a hard thought. As I turned my face
homeward, the peaceful evening light was falling into shadow over these
quiet houses; from the church there once again came that faint
inarticulate sound of music, solitary chords, struck at intervals,
vibrating through the lonely building, and through the harmonious quiet
of the air, and everything, except the passing ships, was at rest and at
home. I turned my wistful eyes to them, perpetual voyagers! my overladen
heart followed them as they glided out to the sea--distance, space,
blank, and void and far. I thought of the wilds of my own country, and
of the endless, breathless travel, the constant journey on and on to the
very end of the world, which my girlish fancies had thought upon so
often. It seemed for a moment as though that, and that only, could ease
the restless disquiet in my breast.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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