The Days of My Life: An AutobiographyOliphant, Mrs. (Margaret)
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The Days of My Life: An Autobiography
Oliphant, Mrs. (Margaret)
Oliphant, Mrs. (Margaret), 1828-1897
I almost thought that he would have come upstairs to see me once more
and look at baby's sleep. I thought he ought to have come, for I was a
stranger here. And my heart beat when I heard the step of Alice corning
along the great roomy corridor--but it was only Alice; and when she had
set candles upon the table, she came to me with the look of a
petitioner--"Dear heart, the Squire's all by himself; won't you go down
and sit an hour, Miss Hester?--maybe he thinks he must not come here."
I rose when Alice spoke to me, without once thinking of disobeying her.
I was glad to be told to do it, though I scarcely should have moved of
my own will. I was still in the very plain dress in which I had
travelled, which was, indeed, the only kind of dress which I had worn
since leaving Cottiswoode, with my mother's miniature at my neck, and
that fatal hereditary ring upon my hand. I paused nervously before the
mirror a moment to see if my hair was in order. I looked pale, and
somewhat worn-out, I thought, and I wondered what he would think of my
wearied, thoughtful face, so unlike what it used to be. Alice would fain
have had me change my dress, which, indeed, was not very suitable for
Cottiswoode, but I would not do that to-night.
When I went into the drawing-room, he was sitting moodily by himself,
bending down with his arms upon the table, and his head resting upon
them. He started when he heard me, lifted a thoughtful, clouded face,
which made me think he had been fighting some battle with himself, and
rose hurriedly to place a chair for me. We sat opposite to each other
for a little time in awkward silence; a hundred things rushed to my
lips, but I had not courage to say them, and I waited vainly till he
should address me. At last I made a faint attempt at conversation; "What
did you think of baby?" I asked, scarcely above my breath.
"Think of him, think of him--opinion is out of the question," he cried
in great haste and eagerness, as if I had broken a charm of silence, and
set him free. "He is your baby and mine, Hester, there is nothing more
to be said. Let us understand each other," he continued, hurriedly
drawing his chair close to the table with nervous agitation; "are we to
endeavor to do our duty by each other--to live under the same roof, to
fulfil our relative duties as justice and right demand? Is this the
foundation we are to build upon, and is this all? Tell me, Hester, let
me know what it is."
"It is so, yes, I suppose so," I answered, faltering with confusion and
almost fear; for he was almost more excited now than I had ever seen
him. I could not have given any answer but assent. I could not, though
my heart had broken for it.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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