away, never to see, or be seen of them again; never to be forced to
speak indifferently to those with whom, in the presence of death, I had
exchanged words full of weal or woe.
I fled across the bridge, and along the highroad which leads through
the beautiful valley of the Adige, and after passing several villages
reaches Botzen sixteen miles off. I soon left the first village of
Untermais behind me, and then sat down on a bench, and there collected
my thoughts sufficiently to devize a plan, which though wiser than the
rest was still exceedingly foolish. If I walk on for several hours, I
thought, I shall reach Botzen to-day, and probably some carriage or
omnibus may overtake me, and give me a lift. Once at Botzen, I can
write to the people with whom I lodged, and apprize them that I was
forced to leave suddenly, send them some money, and beg them to pack my
things and forward them to me. By so doing, I should never again see
them all, and should avoid the trials and pain of leave taking in case
anyone should care about my departure--at least it will not trouble my
rest. And who will care? Perhaps the doctor, and I can write to him. I
need not be uneasy about _him_ whom I once called my friend. He must
have _quite_ recovered, if he can sit beside the lady without nerves,
and smile when she speaks to him in her shrill voice. When I had taken
this resolution, I felt quite satisfied, at least I fancied that I was
so; so I walked bravely on towards the south, and tried to enjoy the
fine scenery around me; the green meadows, the bare rugged mountains
with the snow glittering on their summits, the picturesque houses of
the peasants, the vineyards, the rushing streams which I passed on my
way, and above all, I tried to rejoice in the thought that I had now
put an end to all my doubts and cares, and had depended on no one but
myself. It seemed quite a relief to return home, and to hide my broken
wings. They had been too weak to soar aloft, and had not borne the test
of freedom. Is not that a common misfortune among caged birds?
The sun had now set. I had passed a village the name of which I did not
know, and had there drunk a small glass of wine as, I was shivering in
my light cloak. The air was sharper than was agreeable to a patient
spoiled by the warm sun of Meran. I became more and more uneasy as I
wandered alone, along the highroad, in the twilight. I often looked
back to see if nothing was coming that might give me a lift. An omnibus
passed me, but it was crowded with smoking peasants, and did not look
inviting.
After having walked on for another hour, nearly famished, and with no
shelter in view, the brave heroine who had formed such daring projects,
sat down on a stone by the way-side, and had a good cry, like any other
baby which had strayed from its home. Truly death is easy, and life is
hard!
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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