Before I proceed further with its history, I will give, in a few words,
the brief, monotonous record of my life, since I was driven--driven is
the word you must use, Richard, haughty and sensitive though you may
be--from the friendship and presence of the Argylls, and from my
prospects of a long-cherished settlement in life. I made the visit to
my mother. She was shocked at the change in me, and grieved that I
withheld my confidence from her. But, I did not feel in a confiding
mood. The gentleness of my nature had been hardened; I was bitter,
sneering, skeptical; not from my own mother would I accept the sympathy
which my chilled heart seemed no longer to crave. Only one thing saved
me from utter loathing of humanity, and that was the memory of Mary's
face, as she had sought me at parting. In those sweet eyes were trust
and love; the tears which streamed down and fell upon her bosom, the
quiver of her lip, the sobs and fond words, attested to the sorrow with
which she had beheld my banishment.
Of course my mother was surprised to hear that I had left Blankville,
with no intention of returning to it; that the long-understood
partnership was not to be entered into. But, she did not press me for
explanations. She waited for me to tell her all, patiently; ministering
to my health and comfort, meanwhile, as a widowed mother will minister
to an only son--with a tenderness only less than that of heaven,
because it is yet, perforce, of earth.
Before I had been at home a fortnight, the unnatural tension of my mind
and nerves produced a sure result--a reäction took place, and I fell
sick. It was in the softer mood which came over me, as I was
convalescing from this illness, that I finally told my mother all the
dreadful story of the influences which had broken up my connection with
the Argylls. Her grief for me, her indignation against my enemy or
enemies, was what might have been expected. I could hardly restrain her
from starting at once for Blankville, to stand before her old friend,
the friend of my father, and accuse him, face to face, of the wrong he
had done her boy. But, out of this I persuaded her. I asked her if she
did not see that the wrong was irreparable? I could not forgive it. It
did not admit of being talked about; let the cloud drop between them
and us; our paths were henceforth apart. To this she finally yielded;
and, if there could have been any balm to my wounded pride and still
more deeply wounded affections, I should have found it in the enhanced,
touching, almost too-perfect tenderness with which my parent sought to
make up to me that which I had lost.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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