I went to Mr. Argyll's to the Christmas dinner. I was surprised to meet
Eleanor in the family group; for, though she now frequently joined the
home circle, I thought that on this holiday her own loss would press
upon her with overwhelming weight. Instead of this, I saw a light in
her countenance which it had never before worn; her face, totally
devoid of smiles or color, yet shone with a serene and solemn luster,
the most touching, the most saddening, and yet elevating, of any
expression I had ever seen upon human features. My intense sympathy
with her taught me how to translate this new phase of her mind; I felt
that, in those mystic vows which she had taken upon herself with a
spirit, she had derived a comfort; that she joyed in the consciousness
that she was now and from henceforth evermore the bride of him who
waited for her in the mansions of the Heavenly country. This life was
transient--to be meekly borne a little while alone--then she would go
to him who awaited her in the only true and abiding home. I, and I
only, looked upon her as the wife of Henry Moreland, as sacredly as if
he were her living partner. I only was fitted, by the power of my own
passion and suffering, to appreciate her position, and the feelings
with which she now returned to her friends, to play such a part in life
as duty still pointed out. I can not explain with what an emotion of
reverence I took and pressed the little, attenuated hand which she
placed in mine.
There had been, as yet, no change in Eleanor's demeanor toward me.
Whether I imagined it in the rest of the family, or whether they had
changed, this much was still certain, and gave me the deepest pleasure
I could now know: Eleanor was the same to me as she had ever been--the
benignant, gentle sister, who loved and trusted me as a dear
brother--more dear than ever since I had given such proofs of my
devotion to her cause--since she could not but see how my very heart
was wrung with the pain which tore her own. As long as she continued to
treat me thus, as long as I could give her one smallest atom of
pleasure in any way, I felt that I could bear any thing from the
others. Not that there was any thing to bear--nothing--nothing, except
that indefinable air which a sensitive spirit feels more keenly than
any open slight. The new year was now approaching; it would be the most
natural time for entering into new business relations; I felt that if
Mr. Argyll intended to offer me the partnership, he would do it then.
If he did not--I must look out for myself--I must go away.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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