The Death of the Gods: (Christ and Antichrist, 1 of 3)Merezhkovsky, Dmitry Sergeyevich
History
The Death of the Gods: (Christ and Antichrist, 1 of 3)
Merezhkovsky, Dmitry Sergeyevich
Biographical fiction; Julian, Emperor of Rome, 331-363 -- Fiction; Rome -- History -- Julian, 361-363 -- Fiction
On this night a mischievous curiosity drove Julian to the tower in
which his wife was praying. He opened the door without knocking, and
went into the feebly lighted cell; the virgin was kneeling before a
lectern above which hung a large crucifix.
Julian approached, and screening the flame of the lamp with one hand,
gazed at his wife for some minutes, frowning. She was so absorbed in
devotion that she did not notice him. He said--
"Helena!"
She uttered a cry and turned her pale severe face towards Julian.
"How you startled me!"
He looked wonderingly at the great crucifix, the gospel, and the
lectern, and murmured--
"Are you always praying?"
"Yes! I pray for you also, well-beloved Cæsar."
"For me? Really!... Confess that you believe me to be a great sinner?"
She lowered her eyes without answering. His frown became deeper.
"Do not be afraid; speak out. Don't you believe that I am specially
guilty, in some manner, before God?"
She answered in a low voice--
"Specially?... Yes, I think so. Do not be angry...."
"I was sure of it.... Now tell me what it is? I must repent me of my
crimes."
Helena resumed, in a yet lower voice, and more severely--
"Do not laugh! I have to answer for your soul before the Eternal----"
"You ... for mine?"
"We are joined for ever."
"By what?"
"The sacrament of marriage."
"Religious marriage? But up till now we are strangers to one another,
Helena!"
"I fear for your soul, Julian," she repeated, fixing on him her
innocent eyes.
Placing his hand on her shoulder, he gazed mockingly at the pale face,
so cold in its chastity. The small and lovely mouth, with its rosy
lips half parted with an expression of fear and inquiry, was in
strange contrast to the rest of the face. Julian leaned towards her,
and before she had time to regain her presence of mind, kissed her on
the lips.
She started and rushed to a far corner of the room, hiding her face in
her hands. Then gazing at Julian, her eyes wild with fear, she hastily
crossed herself, murmuring--
"Away, away, O evil one! I know thee; thou art not Julian, but the
Devil. In the name of the most Holy Cross, I conjure thee ...
disappear!"
Anger seized Julian; he turned to the door and bolted it; then
approaching Helena with a smile he said--
"Be yourself, Helena; I am a man--I am your husband--and not the
Devil! The Church has blessed our union." He gazed upon her with
strangely warring emotions. She slowly drew her hands from her eyes.
"Forgive me ... it seemed to me ... you frightened me so, Julian.... I
know that you desire nothing evil ... but I have had visions.... Just
now I believed.... He haunts this place at night. Twice I have seen
him.... He said to me ill things about you. Since then I have been
afraid. He told me you bore on your face the mark of Cain.... Why do
you look at me so, Julian?"
She was trembling and leaning against the wall; he approached and put
his arm round her waist.
"What are you doing? Let me go, let me go!"
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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