Dan looked up at the sky; it was a small square patch of leaden gray
against the impenetrable blackness of his prison-walls. Standing on the
ledge of the rock, and steadying himself with one hand, he lifted the
other cautiously upward to feel the sides of the shaft. They were of
rock, and were quite precipitous, but had rugged projecting pieces on
which it was possible to lay hold. As he grasped one of these, a
sickening pang of hope shot through him, and wounded him worse than
despair. But it was gone in an instant. The piece of rock gave way in
his hand, and tumbled into the water below him with a hollow splash. The
sides of the shaft were of crumbling stone!
It was then, in that blind laboring of despair, that he asked himself
why he should struggle with this last of the misfortunes that had
befallen him. Was life so dear to him? Not so, or, being dear, he was
willing to lay it down. Was he not about to deliver himself to the death
that must be the first punishment of his crime? And what, after all, was
there to choose between two forms of death? Nay, if he must die, who was
no longer worthy of life, better to die there, none knowing his way of
death, than to die on the gallows.
At that thought his hair rose from its roots. He had never rightly put
it to himself until now that if he had to die for the death of Ewan he
must die the death of hanging. That horror of hanging which all men have
was stronger in Dan than in most. With the grim vision before him of a
shameful and damning death it came to him to tell himself that better, a
thousand times better, was death in that living tomb than the death that
awaited him outside it. Then he thought of his father, and of the
abasement of that good man if so great a shame overtook his son, and
thereupon, at the same breath with a prayer to God that he might die
where he was, a horrible blasphemy bolted from his lips. He was in
higher hands than his own. God had saved him from himself. At least he
was not to die on the gallows. He had but one prayer now, and it cried
in its barrenness of hope, "Let me never leave this place!" His soul was
crushed as the moth that will never lift wing again.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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