The Definite Object: A Romance of New YorkFarnol, Jeffery
General
The Definite Object: A Romance of New York
Farnol, Jeffery
New York (N.Y.) -- Fiction
"Well, then, there's Jacob Pffeffenfifer wants a young man in his
delicatessen store."
"Mrs. Trapes, I can slice ham and beef with any one on earth."
"D' ye understand picklin' and seasonin'?"
"Ah, there you have me again; I fear I don't."
"Then you ain't no good to Jacob Pffeffenfifer!"
"On second thoughts, I'm not wholly sorry," answered Ravenslee gravely.
"You see, a name like that would worry me, it would shake my nerve; I
might cut beef instead of ham, or ham instead of--"
"Mr. Geoffrey!" quoth Mrs. Trapes, squaring her elbows.
"Sober as a judge, Mrs. Trapes and--by Jupiter!"
"My land! What is it?"
"An idea--look!" and Ravenslee pointed down into the yard.
"Why, it's only Tony!" said Mrs. Trapes, glancing down a vista of
riotous garments.
"Precisely," answered Ravenslee, rising and stretching his long arms,
"Tony has solved my difficulty; I'll go into the peanut trade."
"What? Sell peanuts? You?"
"Why not? 'Man is born--' you know."
"But--my land! Only dagos and guinneys sells peanuts!"
"Splendid! I shall be the exception, Mrs. Trapes. Anyway, a peanut man
I'll be!" And catching up his disreputable hat, Ravenslee nodded and
left his landlady staring after him and murmuring "well!" at intervals.
Presently she reached for her iron, stone-cold long since, and stood
awhile clutching it in bony fingers and staring at nothing in
particular.
"He's sure a man, Hermy my dear!" she said at last, nodding at the
stuffed parrot in the corner. "I've watched him careful and I know. And
there's some things better than money, my dear--ah, much better! So if I
should help to bring you into his arms--man an' wife, my dear--why, I
guess it would be the best thing Anne Angelina Trapes ever done--yes,
mam!" Saying which, she went back to her ironing.
On the stairs Ravenslee met Spike, who hailed him joyously.
"Say, Geoff, I'm all alone to-night; come an' eat supper with me--how
about it?"
"Suppose you have supper at Mrs. Trapes' with me?"
"No, she gets on me nerves--so come on over, will you?"
"With pleasure."
"'N' say, I'm a few chips shy on butter, Geoff--bring in ten cents'
worth, will you?"
"Right, O comrade, I'll be with you anon. Make boil the kettle against
my coming," and Ravenslee hastened down the stairs. Reaching the court
he met the Italian trundling his barrow toward a certain shed, its usual
nocturnal biding place.
"How goes it, Tony?" he enquired, shaking hands.
The Italian nodded and flashed his teeth. "Ver-a good, pal!" he
answered.
"Tony, where can I get a peanut outfit like yours?"
"Ha! You go-a in-a da peanut-a beezneez, hey? You want-a push-a de cart,
hey?"
"That's it, Tony."
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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