I, having had one cook, have thoroughly learnt All the bad tricks of cooks, while they compete With one another in their trade. One said His rival had no nose to judge of soup With critical taste; that other had A vicious palate; while a third could never (If you'd believe the rest) restrain his appetite, Without devouring half the meat he dress'd. This one loved salt too much, and that one vinegar; One burnt his meat; one gorged; one could not stand The smoke; a sixth could never bear the fire. At last they came to blows; and one of them, Shunning the sword, fell straight into the fire. And Antiphanes, in his Philotis, displaying the cleverness of the cooks, says— _A._ Is not this, then, an owl? _B._ Aye, such as I Say should be dress'd in brine. _A._ Well; and this pike? _B._ Why roast him whole. _A._ This shark? _B._ Boil him in sauce. _A._ This eel? _B._ Take salt, and marjoram, and water. _A._ This conger? _B._ The same sauce will do for him. _A._ This ray? _B._ Strew him with herbs. _A._ Here is a slice Of tunny. _B._ Roast it. _A._ And some venison. _B._ Roast it. _A._ Then here's a lot more meat. _B._ Boil all the rest. _A._ Here's a spleen. _B._ Stuff it. _A._ And a nestis. _B._ Bah! This man will kill me. And Baton, in his Benefactors, gives a catalogue of celebrated cooks and confectioners, thus— _A._ Well, O Sibynna, we ne'er sleep at nights, Nor waste our time in laziness: our lamp Is always burning; in our hands a book; And long we meditate on what is left us By— _B._ Whom? _A._ By that great Actides of Chios, Or Tyndaricus, that pride of Sicyon, Or e'en by Zopyrinus. _B._ Find you anything? _A._ Aye, most important things. _B._ But what? The dead.... [Sidenote: THE THESSALIANS.]