The owner of a powder mill Was musing on a distant hill-- Something his mind foreboded-- When from the cloudless sky there fell A deviled human kidney! Well, The man's mill had exploded. His hat he lifted from his head; "I beg your pardon, sir," he said; "I didn't know 'twas loaded." Swatkin USAGE, n. The First Person of the literary Trinity, the Second and Third being Custom and Conventionality. Imbued with a decent reverence for this Holy Triad an industrious writer may hope to produce books that will live as long as the fashion. UXORIOUSNESS, n. A perverted affection that has strayed to one's own wife. V VALOR, n. A soldierly compound of vanity, duty and the gambler's hope. "Why have you halted?" roared the commander of a division and Chickamauga, who had ordered a charge; "move forward, sir, at once." "General," said the commander of the delinquent brigade, "I am persuaded that any further display of valor by my troops will bring them into collision with the enemy." VANITY, n. The tribute of a fool to the worth of the nearest ass. They say that hens do cackle loudest when There's nothing vital in the eggs they've laid; And there are hens, professing to have made A study of mankind, who say that men Whose business 'tis to drive the tongue or pen Make the most clamorous fanfaronade O'er their most worthless work; and I'm afraid They're not entirely different from the hen. Lo! the drum-major in his coat of gold, His blazing breeches and high-towering cap-- Imperiously pompous, grandly bold, Grim, resolute, an awe-inspiring chap! Who'd think this gorgeous creature's only virtue Is that in battle he will never hurt you? Hannibal Hunsiker VIRTUES, n.pl. Certain abstentions. VITUPERATION, n. Satire, as understood by dunces and all such as suffer from an impediment in their wit. VOTE, n. The instrument and symbol of a freeman's power to make a fool of himself and a wreck of his country. W W (double U) has, of all the letters in our alphabet, the only cumbrous name, the names of the others being monosyllabic. This advantage of the Roman alphabet over the Grecian is the more valued after audibly spelling out some simple Greek word, like _epixoriambikos_. Still, it is now thought by the learned that other agencies than the difference of the two alphabets may have been concerned in the decline of "the glory that was Greece" and the rise of "the grandeur that was Rome." There can be no doubt, however, that by simplifying the name of W (calling it "wow," for example) our civilization could be, if not promoted, at least better endured. WALL STREET, n. A symbol of sin for every devil to rebuke. That Wall Street is a den of thieves is a belief that serves every unsuccessful thief in place of a hope in Heaven. Even the great and good Andrew Carnegie has made his profession of faith in the matter.