'Old Mr. Warren publicly embraced Jane Truman, and then brought her and
presented her to me as James's bride. We both cried a little, I think,
and then we all sat down to High Tea, and I am scarcely yet the woman I
used to be. It was a height! And a weight! And a length! After tea
Mr. Warren made a speech, and said that Bulcester had come back to him,
and I was afraid that he would brag dreadfully, but he did not; he was
too happy, I think. And then Mr. Truman made a speech and said that
though they felt obliged to own that they had come to the conclusion that
though Anti-vaccination was a holy thing, still (in the circumstances)
vaccination was good enough. But they yet clung to principles for which
Hampden died on the field, and Russell on the scaffold, and many of their
own citizens in bed! There must be no Coercion. Everyone who liked must
be allowed to have smallpox as much as he pleased. All other issues were
unimportant except that of freedom!
'Here I rose--I was rather excited--and said that I hoped the reverend
speaker was not deserting the sacred principle of compulsory temperance?
Would the speaker allow people freedom to drink? All other issues were
unimportant compared with that of freedom, _except_ the interest of
depriving a poor man of his beer. To catch smallpox was a Briton's
birthright, but not to take a modest quencher. No freedom to drink!
"Down with the drink!" I cried, and drained my tea-cup, and waved it,
amidst ringing cheers. Mr. Truman admitted that there were
exceptions--one exception, at least. Disease must be free to all, not
alcohol nor Ritualism. He thanked his young friend the gifted lecturer
for recalling him to his principles.
'The principles of the good old cause, the Puritan cause, were as pure as
glycerinated lymph, and he proposed to found a Liberal Vaccinationist
League. They are great people for leagues at Bulcester, and they like
the initials L. V. L. There was no drinking of toasts, for there was
nothing to drink them in, and--do you know, Mr. Merton?--I think it must
be nearly luncheon time.'
'Champagne appears to me to be indicated,' said Merton, who rang the bell
and then summoned Miss Blossom from her typewriting.
'We have done nothing,' Merton said, 'but heaven only knows what we have
escaped in the adventure of the Lady Novelist and the Vaccinationist.'
On taking counsel's opinion, Merton learned, with a shudder, that if
young Warren had used the Borgia ring, and if Jane had resented it, he
might have been indicted for a common assault, under 24 and 25 Victoria,
cap. 100, sec. 24, for 'unlawfully and maliciously administering a
noxious thing with intent to annoy.'
'I don't think she could have proved the intent to annoy,' said the
learned counsel.
'You don't know a Bulcester jury as it was before the epidemic,' said
Merton. 'And I might have been an accessory before the fact, and,
anyhow, we should all have got into the newspapers.'
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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