The Disowned — CompleteLytton, Edward Bulwer Lytton, Baron
General
The Disowned — Complete
Lytton, Edward Bulwer Lytton, Baron
English fiction -- 19th century
“If,” thought he, as he looked upon his secret and treasured work, “if
the wind scatter or the rock receive these seeds, they were at least
dispersed by a hand which asked no selfish return, and a heart which
would have lavished the harvest of its labours upon those who know not
the husbandman and trample his hopes into the dust.”
But by degrees this comfort of a noble and generous nature, these
whispers of a vanity rather to be termed holy than excusable, began to
grow unfrequent and low. The cravings of a more engrossing and heavy
want than those of the mind came eagerly and rapidly upon him; the fair
cheek of his infant became pinched and hollow; his wife conquered nature
itself by love, and starved herself in silence, and set bread before him
with a smile and bade him eat.
“But you,--you?” he would ask inquiringly, and then pause.
“I have dined, dearest: I want nothing; eat, love, eat.” But he ate not.
The food robbed from her seemed to him more deadly than poison; and
he would rise, and dash his hand to his brow, and go forth alone, with
nature unsatisfied, to look upon this luxurious world and learn content.
It was after such a scene that, one day, he wandered forth into the
streets, desperate and confused in mind, and fainting with hunger, and
half insane with fiery and wrong thoughts, which dashed over his barren
and gloomy soul, and desolated, but conquered not! It was evening: he
stood (for he had strode on so rapidly, at first, that his strength was
now exhausted, and he was forced to pause) leaning against the railed
area of a house in a lone and unfrequented street. No passenger shared
this dull and obscure thoroughfare. He stood, literally, in scene as in
heart, solitary amidst the great city, and wherever he looked, lo, there
were none!
“Two days,” said he, slowly and faintly, “two days, and bread has only
once passed my lips; and that was snatched from her,--from those lips
which I have fed with sweet and holy kisses, and whence my sole comfort
in this weary life has been drawn. And she,--ay, she starves,--and my
child too. They complain not; they murmur not: but they lift up
their eyes to me and ask for--Merciful God! Thou didst make man in
benevolence; Thou dost survey this world with a pitying and paternal
eye: save, comfort, cherish them, and crush me if Thou wilt!”
At that moment a man darted suddenly from an obscure alley, and passed
Glendower at full speed; presently came a cry, and a shout, and a rapid
trampling of feet, and, in another moment, an eager and breathless crowd
rushed upon the solitude of the street.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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