"No. It isn't the work that's dreadful."
"Then perhaps it's the worry? And I'm afraid I'm responsible for
that."
He started, shaken out of his admirable self-possession by that
glaring personality. "How could you be?"
"By insisting on engaging you as I did. From what you told me it's
very evident that you had something on your mind, and that the work
has been very dreadful, very difficult."
"I _have_ something on my mind and--it _has_ been difficult--all the
same--"
"I wouldn't have pressed you if I had really known. I'm very sorry. Is
it too late? Would it be any good if I released you now?"
If she released him!
"Miss Harden, you are most awfully good to me."
"_Would_ that help you?"
He looked at her. Over her face there ran again that little ripple of
thought and sympathy, like shadow and flame. One fear was removed from
him. Whatever happened Miss Harden would never misunderstand him. At
the same time he realized that any prospect, however calamitous, would
be more endurable than the course she now proposed.
"It wouldn't help me. The best thing I can do is to stay where I am
and finish."
"Is that the truth?"
"Nothing but the truth."
("But not the whole truth," thought Lucia.)
"Well," she said, rising, "whatever you do, don't lose heart."
He smiled drearily. It was all very well to say that, when his heart
was lost already.
"Wait--wait till next spring comes."
He could put what meaning he liked into that graceful little
commonplace. But it dismissed at the same time that it reassured him.
The very ease and delicacy with which it was done left him no doubt on
that point.
He was not going to accept his dismissal then and there. A bold
thought leapt in his brain. Could he--might he--? She had read his
sonnet; would it do to ask her to read his drama also? To be sure the
sonnet had but fourteen lines, while the drama had twice as many
hundred. But the drama, the drama, his beautiful _Helen in Leuce_, was
his ultimate achievement, the highest, completest expression of his
soul. And what he required of Lucia Harden was not her praise, but
fuller, more perfect comprehension. He stood in a cruel and false
position, and he longed for her to know the finest and the best of
him, before she knew (as she must know) the worst.
She was turning away; but there was a closed gate between her and the
hill-path that led down into the valley.
"Miss Harden--"
"Yes?"
She turned. His heart beat violently. He was afraid to look up lest
his face should betray his emotion; it must seem so disproportioned to
its cause. And yet he was going to ask her for leave to put his drama,
the fine offspring of his soul, into her hands.
"May I send you the drama I spoke of? I would like you to see it."
"Nothing would give me greater pleasure."
He tried to stammer out some words of thanks; but they died before
utterance.
"You know your way now, don't you?" said she.
"Yes, thanks."
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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