"And you will have plenty of time to yourself. You will be a great
deal alone. Too much alone perhaps. You must think of that. It might
really be better for you to stay in London where you are beginning to
make friends."
Was she trying to break it to him as gently, as delicately as possible
that there would be no intimacy between him and her? That as her
private secretary his privacy would be painfully unbroken?
She saw it and corrected herself. "Friends, I mean, who may be able to
help you more. You must choose between the two advantages. It will be
a complete break with your old life."
"That would be the best thing that could happen to me."
This time she did not see. "Well--don't be in a hurry. There isn't any
hurry. Remember, it means a whole year out of your life."
A whole year out of his life? Was that the way she looked at it?
Yes. She was giving him his chance; but she did not conceive herself
to be giving him anything more. She understood him sufficiently to
trust him; her insight went so far and no farther. She actually
believed that there could be a choice for him between seeing her every
day for a whole year and never seeing her again. Evidently she had not
the remotest conception of his state of mind. He doubted whether it
could have occurred to her to allow for the possibility of her private
secretary falling in love with her in the innermost privacy of his
secretaryship. He saw that hers was not the order of mind that
entertains such possibilities on an intimate footing. She was
generous, large-sighted; he understood that she would let herself be
carried away on the superb sweep of the impersonal, reckless of
contingencies. He also understood that with this particular private
secretary she would consider herself safe. The social difference was
as much her protection as some preposterous incompatibility of age.
And as if that were not enough, in their thoughts they were so akin
that she might feel herself guarded from him by some law of spiritual
consanguinity.
"Oh, my life--" he said with a queer short laugh that sounded like a
sob,--"well, I must be getting back to my work."
"You are _not_ going to work again to-night?"
"I must." Yet he did not get up to go. He seemed to be waiting to say
something. "I--I haven't thanked you. I don't know how to."
"Don't try. I've done nothing. There is little that one person can do
for another."
"There's something that you might do for me--some day--if I might
ask--if you would."
"What is that?"
She followed his gaze as it travelled into the depth of the room
beyond the circle of the lamp-light, where the grand piano stood. Its
keyboard shone in an even band of white, its massive body merged in
the gleaming darkness.
"If you would play to me--some day."
"I will play to you with pleasure." Her voice sounded as if she were
breathing more freely; perhaps she had wondered what on earth he was
going to say. "Now, if you like."
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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