"Wait," she said. "Have you any idea what you are going to do?"
The question held him within a foot's length of her chair, where the
light fell full on his face.
"I only know I'm not going back to the shop."
"You were in earnest, then? It really has come to that?"
"It couldn't very well come to anything else."
She looked up at him gravely, realizing for the first time, through
her own sorrow, the precise nature and the consequences of his action.
He had burnt his ships, parted with his means of livelihood, in a
Quixotic endeavour to serve her interests, and redeem his own honour.
"Forgive my asking, but for the present this leaves you stranded?"
"It leaves me free."
She rose. "I know what that means. You won't mind my paying my debts
at once, instead of later?"
He stared stupidly, as if her words had stunned him. She was seated at
her writing table, and had begun filling in a cheque before he
completely grasped the horrible significance of what she had said.
"What are you doing?" he asked.
"I'm writing thirty instead of fifteen, because that is what you ought
to have asked for in the beginning. You see I am more business-like
now than I was then."
He smiled.
"And do you really suppose I am going to take it?"
He meant his smile to be bitter, but somehow it was not. After all,
she was so helpless and so young.
"Of course you are going to take it."
"I needn't ask what you think of me."
This time the smile was bitterness itself.
"But it's yours--what I owe you. I'm only paying it to-day instead of
some other day."
"But you have not got to pay me anything. What do you think you're
paying me for?"
"For your work, for the catalogue, of course."
"That infamous catalogue ought never to have been made--not by me at
any rate."
"But you made it. You made it for me. I ordered it."
"You ordered it from my father. In ordinary circumstances you would
have owed him fifteen pounds. But even he wouldn't take it now. I
think he considers himself quite sufficiently paid."
"You are mixing up two things that are absolutely distinct."
"No. I'm only refusing to be mixed up with them."
"But you are mixed up with them."
He laughed at that shot, as a brave man laughs at a hurt.
"You needn't remind me of that. I meant--any more than I can help;
though it may seem to you that I haven't very much lower to sink."
"Believe me, I don't associate you with this wretched business. I want
you to forget it."
"I can't forget it. If I could, it would only be by refusing to
degrade myself further in connection with it."
His words were clumsy and wild as the hasty terrified movements of a
naked soul, trying to gather round it the last rags of decency and
honour.
"There is no connection," she added, more gently than ever, seeing how
she hurt him. "Don't you see that it lies between you and me?"
He saw that as she spoke she was curling the cheque into a convenient
form for slipping into his hand in the moment of leave-taking.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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