"And I shall take care I never do," she interrupted, spitefully.
"So it is of no use to go on quarrelling about her," I continued, taking
no notice of the interruption. "I made up my mind before I came here
that I must see as little as possible of her for the future. You must
understand, Julia, she has never given me a particle of reason to
suppose she loves me."
"But you are still in love with her?" she asked.
I stood biting my nails to the quick, a trick I had while a boy, but one
that had been broken off by my mother's and Julia's combined vigilance.
Now the habit came back upon me in full force, as my only resource from
speaking.
"Martin," she said, with flashing eyes, and a rising tone in her voice,
which, like the first shrill moan of the wind, presaged a storm, "I will
never marry you until you can say, on your word of honor, that you love
that person no longer, and are ready to promise to hold no further
communication with her. Oh! I know what my poor aunt has had to endure,
and I will not put up with it."
"Very well, Julia," I answered, controlling myself as well as I could,
"I have only one more word to say on this subject. I love Olivia, and,
as far as I know myself, I shall love her as long as I live. I did not
come here to give you any reason for supposing my mind is changed as to
her. If you consent to be my wife, I will do my best, God helping me, to
be most true, most faithful to you; and God forbid I should injure
Olivia in thought by supposing she could care for me other than as a
friend. But my motive for coming now is to tell you some particulars
about your property, which my father made known to me only last night."
It was a miserable task for me; but I told her simply the painful
discovery I had made. She sat listening with a dark and sullen face, but
betraying not a spark of resentment, so far as her loss of fortune was
concerned.
"Yes," she said, bitterly, when I had finished, "robbed by the father
and jilted by the son."
"I would give my life to cancel the wrong," I said.
"It is so easy to talk," she replied, with a deadly coldness of tone and
manner.
"I am ready to do whatever you choose," I urged. "It is true my father
has robbed you; but it is not true that I have jilted you. I did not
know my own heart till a word from Captain Carey revealed it to me; and
I told you frankly, partly because Johanna insisted upon it, and partly
because I believed it right to do so. If you demand it, I will even
promise not to see Olivia again, or to hold direct communication with
her. Surely that is all you ought to require from me."
"No," she replied, vehemently; "do you suppose I could become your wife
while you maintain that you love another woman better than me? You must
have a very low opinion of me."
"Would you have me tell you a falsehood?" I rejoined, with vehemence
equal to hers.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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