For as soon as the room was quite dark, visions of Olivia haunted me.
Phantasms of her followed one another rapidly through my brain. She had
died, so said the certificate, of inflammation of the lungs, after an
illness of ten days. I felt myself bound to go through every stage of
her illness, dwelling upon all her sufferings, and thinking of her as
under careless or unskilled attendance, with no friend at hand to take
care of her. She ought not to have died, with her perfect constitution.
If I had been there she should not have died.
About four o'clock Jack tapped softly upon the wall between our
bedrooms--it was a signal we had used when we were boys--as though to
inquire if I was all right; but it was quiet enough not to wake me if I
were asleep. It seemed like the friendly "Ahoy!" from a boat floating on
the same dark sea. Jack was lying awake, thinking of me as I was
thinking of Olivia. There was something so consolatory in this sympathy
that I fell asleep while dwelling upon it.
Upon going downstairs in the morning I found that Jack was already off,
having left a short note for me, saving he would visit my patients that
day. I had scarcely begun breakfast when the servant announced "a lady,"
and as the lady followed close upon his heels, I saw behind his shoulder
the familiar face of Johanna, looking extremely grave. She was soon
seated beside me, watching me with something of the tender, wistful gaze
of my mother. Her eyes were of the same shape and color, and I could
hardly command myself to speak calmly.
"Your friend Dr. John Senior called upon us a short time since," she
said; "and told us this sad, sad news."
I nodded silently.
"If we had only known it yesterday," she continued, "you would never
have heard what we then said. This makes so vast a difference. Julia
could not have become your wife while there was another woman living
whom you loved more. You understand her feeling?"
"Yes," I said; "Julia is right."
"My brother and I have been talking about the change this will make,"
she resumed. "He would not rob you of any consolation or of any future
happiness; not for worlds. He relinquishes all claim to or hope of
Julia's affection--"
"That would be unjust to Julia," I interrupted. "She must not be
sacrificed to me any longer. I do not suppose I shall ever marry--"
"You must marry, Martin," she interrupted in her turn, and speaking
emphatically; "you are altogether unfitted for a bachelor's life. It is
all very well for Dr. John Senior, who has never known a woman's
companionship, and who can do without it. But it is misery to you--this
cold, colorless life. No. Of all the men I ever knew, you are the least
fitted for a single life."
"Perhaps I am," I admitted, as I recalled my longing for some sign of
womanhood about our bachelor dwelling.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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