That dreadful day ebbed over slowly--tedious, yet so full of events
and dismal business that it looked like a year rather than a day. The
necessary investigations were got through without any special call upon
Nettie. She spent the most of the day up-stairs with Susan, whose wild
refusal to believe at first, and sullen stupor afterwards, were little
different from the picture which Nettie's imagination had already made.
The children received the news with wondering stares and questions.
That they did not understand it was little, but that they scarcely
were interested after the first movement of curiosity, disappointed and
wounded the impatient heart, which unconsciously chafed at its own total
inability to convey the feelings natural to such a terrible occasion
into any bosom but its own. Nettie's perpetual activity had hitherto
saved her from this disgust and disappointment. She had been bitterly
intolerant by moments of Fred's disgraceful content and satisfaction
with his own indulgences, but had never paused to fret over what she
could not help, nor contrast her own high youthful humour and sense of
duty with the dull insensibility around her. But to-day had rapt the
heroic little girl into a different atmosphere from that she had been
breathing hitherto. To-day she was aware that her work had been so far
taken out of her hands, and acknowledged in her heart that it was best
it should be so. She heard the heavy feet of men coming and going,
but was not obliged to descend into immediate conflict with all the
circumstances of so horrible a crisis. It was a new sensation to Nettie.
A year ago, perhaps, she would not have relinquished even that dreadful
business to any one;--to-day, the thought of having some one else who
did it for her, and took comfort in relieving her burdened hands,
fell with singular soothing power upon the heart which had come to a
knowledge of its own weakness in these last tedious months; and as
Nettie sat up-stairs with all the remorseful thoughts of nature in
her softened heart, the impossibility of impressing her own emotions
upon those around her struck her with a deeper sense of impatience,
disappointment, and disgust than ever before. When she went softly into
the darkened room where Susan lay in her gloomy bed, divided between
wailings over the injuries which poor Fred had suffered, the harshness
that had driven him out of doors, and the want of his brother or
somebody to take care of him, which had brought the poor fellow to
such an end--and complaints of the wrong done to herself, the "want of
feeling" shown by her sister, the neglect with which she was treated,
Nettie gazed at the sobbing creature with eyes unconsciously wondering,
yet but half-surprised. She knew very well beforehand that this was how
her dreadful tidings would be received; yet out of her own softened,
awed, compunctious heart--her pity too deep for tears over that lost
life--Nettie looked with the unbelief of nature at the widowed woman,
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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