Lord George met him, I fancy, first at some royal table, and they
renewed their acquaintance here, shyly at the beginning, but after
a while with more cordiality; and now he is here every day singing,
sketching, reciting Schiller and Goethe, talking the most delightful
rhapsodies, and raving about moonlights on the Brocken, and mysticism in
the Hartzwald, till my very brain turns with distraction.
Don't you detest the "positif,"--the dreary, tiresome, tame, sad-colored
robe of reality? and do you not adore the prismatic-tinted drapery, that
envelops the dream-creatures of imagination? I know, dearest Catherine,
that you do. I feel by myself how you shrink from the stern aspect of
reality, and love to shroud yourself in the graceful tissues of fancy!
How, then, would you long to be here,--to discuss with us themes that
have no possible relation to anything actually existing,--to talk of
those visionary essences which form the creatures of the unreal world?
The "Ritter" is perfectly charming on these subjects; there is a vein of
love through his metaphysics, and of metaphysics through his love, that
elevates while it subdues. You will say it is a strange transition that
makes me flit from these things to thoughts of home and Ireland; but in
the wilful wandering of my fancy a vision of the past rises before me,
and I must seize it ere it depart. I wish, in fact, to speak to
you about a passage in your last letter which has given me equal
astonishment and suffering. What, dearest Kitty, do you mean by talking
of a certain person's "long-tried and devoted affection,"--"his hopes,
and his steadfast reliance on my truthfulness"? Have I ever given any
one the right to make such an appeal to me? I do really believe that no
one is less exposed to such a reproach than I am! I have the right, if I
please, to misconstrue your meaning, and assume a total ignorance as to
whom you are referring. But I will not avail myself of the privilege,
Kitty,--I will accept your allusion. You mean Dr. Belton. Now, I own
that I write this name with considerable reluctance and regret. His many
valuable qualities, and the natural goodness of his disposition, have
endeared him to all of that humble circle in which his lot is cast, and
it would grieve me to write one single word which should pain him to
hear. But I ask you, Kitty, what is there in our relative stations in
society which should embolden him to offer me attentions? Do we move in
the same sphere? have we either thoughts, ideas, or ambitions--have we
even acquaintances--in common? I do not want to magnify the position I
hold. Heaven knows that the great world is not a sea devoid of rocks
and quicksands. No one feels its perils more acutely than myself. But
I repeat it: Is there not a wide gulf between us? Could _he_ live, and
move, think, act, or plan, in the circle that I associate with? Could
_I_ exist, even for a day, in _his?_ No, dearest, impossible,--utterly
impossible.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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