Christian life -- Fiction; Dreams -- Fiction; France -- Social life and customs -- Fiction
unexpressed anger, at last opened his mouth, only to reply by this word
of parental authority: “Never!”
Then Felicien, absolutely raving in his rebellion, lost all control over
himself.
He spoke of his mother, he really threatened his father by the
remembrance of the dead. It was she who had come back again in the shape
of her son to vindicate and reclaim the right of affection. Could it be
that his father had never loved her? Had he even rejoiced in her death,
since he showed himself so harsh towards those who loved each other, and
who wished to live? But he might well do all he could to become cold in
the renunciations demanded by the Church; she would come back to haunt
and to torture him, because he was willing to torture the child they
had had, the living witness of their affection for each other. She would
always be there, so long as their son lived. She wished to reappear in
the children of their child for ever. And he was causing her to die
over again, by refusing to her son the betrothed of his choice, the
one through whom the race was to be continued. When a man had once been
married to a woman, he should never think of wedding the Church. Face to
face with his father, who, motionless, appeared in his fearful silence
to grow taller and taller, he uttered unfilial, almost murderous words.
Then, shocked at himself, he rushed away, shuddering at the extent to
which passion had carried him.
When once more alone, Monseigneur, as if stabbed in the full breast by
a sharp weapon, turned back upon himself and struggled deeply with his
soul, as he knelt upon his prie-Dieu. A half-rattling sound came
from his throat. Oh! these frightful heart contests, these invincible
weaknesses of the flesh. This woman, and his beloved dead, who was
constantly coming back to life, he adored her now, as he did the first
evening when he kissed her white feet; and this son, he idolised him as
belonging to her, as a part of her life, which she had left to him. And
even the young girl, the little working girl whom he had repulsed, he
loved her also with a tenderness like that of his son for her. Now his
nights were inexpressibly agitated by all three. Without his having been
willing to acknowledge it, had she then touched him so deeply as he saw
her in the great Cathedral, this little embroiderer, with her golden
hair, her fresh pure neck, in all the perfume of her youth? He saw her
again; she passed before him, so delicate, so pure in her victorious
submission. No remorse could have come to him with a step more certain
or more conquering. He might reject her with a loud voice. He knew well
that henceforth she held him strongly by the heart with her humble hands
that bore the signs of work. Whilst Felicien was so violently
beseeching him, he seemed to see them both behind the blonde head of the
petitioner--these two idolised women, the one for whom his son prayed,
and the one who had died for her child. They were there in all their
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