Alcoholics -- Great Britain -- Fiction; Alcoholism -- Great Britain -- Fiction; Temperance -- Fiction
Lothian rose from his chair and bowed to the distant gallery. The
musician's face lighted up and he bowed twice to Lothian. Monsieur
Toché had recognised the name upon the card. And the request, written
in perfect, idiomatic French, had commenced, "_Cher Maitre et
Confrère_." The lasting hunger of the obscure artist for recognition by
another and greater one was satisfied. Poor Toché went to his bed that
night in Soho feeling as if he had been decorated with the Order of
Merit. And though, during the supper hours from eleven to half past
twelve he had to play "selections" from the Musical Comedy of the
moment, he never lost the sense of _bien être_ conferred upon him
by Gilbert Lothian at dinner.
Gilbert was trembling a little as the music ended. Rita sat back in her
chair with downcast eyes and lips slightly parted. Neither of them
spoke.
Gilbert suddenly experienced a sense of immense sorrow, of infinite
regret too deep for speech or tears. "This is the moment of
realisation," he thought, "the first real moment in my life, perhaps.
_I know what I have missed._ Of all women this was the one for me,
as I for her. We were made for each other. Too late! too late!"
He struggled for mastery over his emotion. "How well they play," he
said.
She made a slight motion with her hand. "Don't let's talk for a
minute," she answered.
He was thrilled through and through. Did she also, then, feel and know
. . . ? Surely that could not be. His youth was so nearly over, the
keen æsthetic vision of the poet showed him so remorselessly how
changed he was physically from what he had been in years gone by, for
ever.
Mechanically, without thinking, obeying the order given by the new
half-self, that spawn of poison which was his master and which he
mistook for himself, he filled his glass once more and drank.
In forty seconds after, triumph and pride flared up within him like a
sheet of thin paper lit suddenly with a match. Yes! She was his, part
of him--it was true! He, the great poet, had woven his winged words
around her. He had bent the power of his Mind upon her--utterly
desirable, unsoiled and perfect--and she was his.
The blaze passed through him and upwards, a thing from below. Then it
ended and only a curl of grey ash floated in the air.
The most poignant and almost physical sorrow returned to him. His heart
seemed to ache like a tooth. Yet it wasn't dull, hopeless depression.
It was, he thought, a high tragic sorrow ennobling in its strength; a
sorrow such as only the supreme soul-wounded artists of the world could
know--had known.
"She was for me!" his heart cried out. "Ah, if only I had met her
first!" Yes! he was fain of all the tragic sorrows of the Great Ones to
whom he was brother, of whose blood he was.
In a single flash of time--as the drowning man is said to experience
all the events of his life at the penultimate moment of dissolution--he
felt that he knew the secrets of all sorrow, the pangs of all tragedy.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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