Alcoholics -- Great Britain -- Fiction; Alcoholism -- Great Britain -- Fiction; Temperance -- Fiction
"I wish to goodness you would go to bed, Mary," he had said with a
sullen look in his eyes. "I do hate being fussed over as if I were a
child. I hate my comings and goings spied upon in this ridiculous way.
I must have freedom! Kindly try and remember that you have married a
poet--an artist!--and not some beef-brained ordinary fool!"
The servants had gone to bed, but she had lit candles in old silver
holders, and spread a dainty supper for him in case he should be
hungry, taking especial care over the egg sandwiches and the salad
which he said she made so perfectly.
She had gone to bed without a word, for she knew well what made him
speak to her like that. She lay awake listening, her room was over the
dining room, and heard the clink of a glass and the gurgle of a syphon.
He was having more drink then. When he came upstairs he went into the
dressing room where he sometimes slept, and before long she heard him
breathing heavily in sleep. He always came to her room when he was
himself.
Then she had gone downstairs noiselessly to find her little supper
untouched, a smear of cigarette ash upon the tablecloth, and that he
had forgotten to extinguish the candles.
There came a day when he was especially kind and sweet. His recent
irritation and restlessness seemed to have quite gone. He smoked pipes
instead of cigarettes, always a good sign in him, and in the afternoon
they had gone for a long tramp together over the marshes. She was very
happy. For the last year, particularly since his name had become
well-known and he was seriously counted among the celebrities of the
hour, he had not cared to be with her so much as in the past. He only
wanted to be with her when he was depressed and despondent about the
future. Then he came for comfort and clung to her like a boy with his
mother. "It's for the sake of my Art," he would say often enough,
though she never reproached him with neglect. "I _must_ be a great
deal alone now. Things come to me when I am alone. I love being with
you, sweetheart, but we must both make a sacrifice for my work. It
means the future. It means everything for both of us!"
He used not to be like this, she sometimes reflected. In the earlier
days, when he was actually doing the work which had brought him fame,
he had never wanted to be away from her. He used to read her
everything, ask her opinion about all his work. Life had been more
simple. She had known every detail of his. He had not drunk much in
those days. In those days there had been no question of that at all.
After the success it was different.
She had gone to his study in the morning, after nights when he had been
working late, and had been struck with fear when she had looked at the
tantalus. But, then, he had been spruce and cheerful at breakfast and
had made a hearty meal. Her remonstrances had been easily swept away.
He had laughed.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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