After this he saw himself in another quarter of the town, but this,
nevertheless, was perhaps only a dream. He stood in the middle of a
long, carefully constructed dam that divided the River Bug across its
entire breadth. The dark-hued water ran slowly and lazily away beneath
his feet, and now and then it, as it were, strove to render a well-known
melody by its capricious splashing. The moon was mirrored on the lightly
curled surface of the river, like an infinitely long, trembling pillar,
around which you might fancy you saw millions of fishes playing in the
water whilst they slowly withdrew and disappeared in the direction of
the distant shore, which lay afar off, silent, dark, and deserted.
Wherever he might be, whether in or out of the town, he was followed by
a faint, sweet, aromatic scent from the white acacia flower.
Wonderful thoughts entered his brain this night--thoughts sometimes sad
and melancholy, at other times childishly ridiculous. Most frequently he
reasoned like the inexperienced gambler who with the frivolity and
optimism of youth pondered upon the fact that he had in a single night
played away all he possessed. Thus Romashov tried again and again to
delude himself into believing that the wretched events of the past day
had absolutely no importance--nay, he even succeeded in resuscitating
that "irresistible" Sub-lieutenant Romashov who so ideally conducts his
parade march under the General's critical eyes, who at the front is the
object of the General's thanks and admiration, and who afterwards drains
his goblet of wine among his rejoicing comrades. But the next moment he
hears Federovski's furious threats, his chief's insulting words,
Nikoläiev's painful questions and complaints, and he is once more the
disgraced and hopelessly ruined Sub-lieutenant Romashov.
An irresistible force from within brought him back in the course of his
nocturnal wandering to the place where he came upon Nikoläiev after the
review. Here he walked about meditating suicide, though by no means
seriously, but only--according to his ingrained habit--to pose in his
own worthy person as a martyr and hero.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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