Odd went to meet Hilda on Thursday, Saturday, Monday, and Tuesday. The
distances were always great, and he insisted on cabs for the return
trip. Palamon must be tired, even if Hilda were not. He was too old for
such journeyings; and Hilda had smilingly to submit. Wednesday would end
it all definitely; Peter thought that he saw the end with unmixed
satisfaction, and yet when Allan Hope walked into his rooms early on
Wednesday morning, this Perseus of Hilda's womanhood gave the Perseus
of her childhood a really unpleasant turn of the blood. There was
something irritating in Allan Hope's absolute fitness for the _rôle_,
emphasizing, as it did, Peter's own unfitness, his forty years, and his
desultory life.
Active energy, the go-ahead perseverance that knows no doubts, the
honest and loyal convictions which were all arranged for him from his
cradle, and which he would bequeath to his children unaltered, all
things that make for order and well-being, looked at one from Lord
Allan's clear, light eyes. Odd suddenly felt himself to be an uncertain
cumberer of the earth; failure personified beside the other's air of
inevitable success. He was fond of Hope and Hope fond of him, and they
talked as old friends talk, with the intimacy that time brings; an
intimacy far removed from the strong knittings of sympathy that an hour
may accomplish; for, though Odd understood Allan very well, Allan did
not muddle his direct views of things by a comprehension that implied
condonation. He thought it rather a pity that Odd had not made more of
his life. Odd's books weren't much good that he could see; better do
something than write about the things other men have done. Odd felt that
Allan was probably quite right. They hardly spoke of Hilda, but in
Hope's congratulations on Peter's engagement there was a ring of
heartfelt brotherly warmth that implied much, and left Peter in a gloomy
rage with himself for feeling miserable. Peter had not analyzed the
darks and glooms of the last few days.
Growth does not admit of much self-contemplation. One wakes suddenly to
the accomplished change. If Peter was conscious of developments, he
defined them as morbid enlargements of that self-doubt which would
naturally thrill under the stress of new responsibilities.
Only from the force of newly formed habit did he go to the Rue
Poulletier that afternoon, hardly expecting to meet Hilda. But Hilda
had, as yet, not interrupted her usual avocations. She emerged from the
gloomy portals of one of the old dismantled-looking _hôtels_ that line
the Rue Poulletier with a certain dignity, and she looked toward the
corner where he stood with a confident glance. It was the second time he
had met her there, twice in the Rue d'Assas too.
"It is so kind of you," she said, as she joined him and they turned into
the _quai_; "only you mustn't think that you _must_, you know."
"_May_ I think that I _must_? Give me the assurance of necessity. I am
always a little afraid of seeming officious."
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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