"Professor,"--it seemed to Stepton at this moment as if Chichester's
voice loomed upon him out of the darkness by which they were now
enshrouded,--"it has been said that nothing shocks a man so terribly as
the sight of his body-double; that to see what appears to be himself,
even if only standing at a window or sitting before a fire, causes
in a man a physical horror which seems to strike to the very roots of his
physical being. I looked now upon my soul-double, piercing the fleshly
envelop and it was my very soul that sweated and turned cold. For I
perceived the dreadful action which, if known, would certainly ruin me,
being committed by the spirit. The slavish body had not yet bowed down
and done its part; but it was about to obey the impulse of the spirit.
Slowly the body turned away from its home. The spirit was driving it. The
demon with the whip was at work in the night. I looked till the dawn
came. And only when at last my double crept, like a thief, into its
house, did sleep take me for a little while--sleep that was alive with
nightmare."
Chichester was silent. The professor heard him breathing quickly, saw
him, almost as a shadow just shown by the faint light that entered from
the street through the two small windows, clasp and unclasp his hands,
touch his forehead, his eyelids, move in his chair, like a man profoundly
stirred and unable to be at ease.
"When I woke," he continued, after a long pause, which the professor did
not break by a word or a movement, "I woke to combat. As I told you, I
had resolved at once to resign my curacy, and never to see that man
again. In the light of the morning I sat down to write my letter of
resignation; but I could not do it. A fearful compulsion to remain was
upon me. I wrote a few words. I stopped, tore the note up, began again.
But writing was impossible. Then I resolved to visit Marcus Harding and
to tell him that I must go. I went to his house. He was at home. When I
saw him I told him that I wished him to sit again that night. He strove
to refuse. He did not understand the truth, but he was terrified. I
ordered him to come to my rooms that night, and left him. As I was going
away I met Lady Sophia. To my amazement, she stopped me, spoke to me
kindly, even more than kindly, looked at me with an expression in her
eyes that almost frightened me. I said to myself, 'But those are a
slave's eyes!' as I left her. Never before had any woman looked at me
like that. In that moment, I think, she began to turn from him toward
me, to forsake weakness for strength. Yes, I say strength. I was rent by
the tumult within me, but I had strength. I have it now. For, despite
his hypocrisy, his unbelief, his active sinning, Marcus Harding had been
a strong man. And even Henry Chichester, with all his humbleness, his
readiness to yield to others, to think nothing of himself, had had the
strength that belongs to purity of soul. And then there is the strength
the soul draws from looking upon truth.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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