The Early Life and Adventures of Sylvia ScarlettMacKenzie, Compton
General
The Early Life and Adventures of Sylvia Scarlett
MacKenzie, Compton
Fiction
Sylvia found that Philip had by no means magnified the activities of
Miss Horne and Miss Hobart, and for the first time on a Sunday morning
at Green Lanes a thin black stream of worshipers flowed past the windows
of The Old Farm after service. It was more than curiosity could bear;
without saying a word to anybody Sylvia attended the evening service
herself. The church was very small, and her entrance would have
attracted much more attention than it did if Ernie, who was holding the
thurible for Mr. Dorward to put in the incense, had not given at that
moment a mighty sneeze, scattering incense and charcoal upon the altar
steps and frightening the woman at the harmonium into a violent discord,
from which the choir was rescued by Miss Horne's unmoved and harsh
soprano that positively twisted back the craning necks of the
congregation into their accustomed apathy. Sylvia wondered whether fear,
conversion, or extra wages had induced Ernie to put on that romantic
costume which gave him the appearance of a rustic table covered with a
tea-cloth, as he waited while the priest tried to evoke a few threads of
smoke from the ruin caused by his sneeze. Sylvia was so much occupied in
watching Ernie that she did not notice the rest of the congregation had
sat down. Mr. Dorward must have seen her, for he had thrown off the
heavy vestment he was wearing and was advancing apparently to say how
d'ye do. No, he seemed to think better of it, and had turned aside to
read from a large book, but what he read neither Sylvia nor the
congregation had any idea. She decided that all this standing up and
kneeling and sitting down again was too confusing for a novice, and
during the rest of the service she remained seated, which was at once
the most comfortable and the least conspicuous attitude. Sylvia had
intended to slip out before the service was over, as she did not want
Miss Horne and Miss Hobart to exult over her imaginary conversion, but
the finale came sooner than she expected in a fierce hymnal outburst
during which Mr. Dorward hurriedly divested himself and reached the
vestianel. Miss Horne had scarcely thumped the last beat on the
choir-boy's head in front of her, the echoes of the last amen had
scarcely died away, before the female sexton, an old woman called
Cassandra Batt, was turning out the oil-lamps and the little
congregation had gathered 'round the vicar in the west door to hear Miss
Horne's estimate of its behavior. There was no chance for Sylvia to
escape.
"Ernest," said Miss Horne, "what did you sneeze for during the
Magnificat? Father Dorward never got through with censing the altar, you
bad boy."
"The stoff got all up me nose," said Ernie. "Oi couldn't help meself."
"Next time you want to sneeze," said Miss Hobart, kindly, "press your
top lip below the nose, and you'll keep it back."
"I got too much to do," Ernie muttered, "and too much to think on."
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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