The Egregious EnglishCrosland, T. W. H. (Thomas William Hodgson)
General
The Egregious English
Crosland, T. W. H. (Thomas William Hodgson)
National characteristics, English
You have L500. How is it to be made into L50,000, and that while the
flush of youth still incarnadines your ambitious cheek? There is only
one way: you must speculate--judiciously, if you can; but you must
speculate. You are an Englishman and a sportsman, and sometimes you get
your L50,000. Then all the world marvels and would fain do likewise, so
that the ball is kept rolling. It is a ball full of money, and it rolls
cityward. The generous, open-handed Englishmen who are the City take as
much as they want and toss you the balance. The game is as fashionable
as ping-pong: everybody plays it, and, win or lose, everybody calls
it the Stock Exchange. I am told that the Stock Exchange proper is a
reputable institution and essential to the well-being of the country.
I do not doubt this for a moment; but round it there has grown up a
specious and parasitical finance which is rapidly transforming the
English into a nation of punters. "Fortunes made while you wait," is
the lure to which the latter-day Englishman has been found infallibly
to respond. The remnant of the common sense possessed by his excellent
grandparents arouses in him a sneaking suspicion that the golden
promises of the outside broker and the bucket-shop keeper are not to be
depended upon. Yet he reads in his morning paper that no end of stocks
and shares have risen a point or dropped a point, as the case may be,
and he knows that if he had been in on the right side he would have
made more money in a few hours than his excellent grandparents could
have made in the course of a whole grubby lifetime. Hence, sooner or
later, his patrimony, or few hundred of surplus capital, is planked
into the ball that rolls citywards, on the off-chance that it may come
back arm in arm, as it were, with thousands.
Even the more cautious sort of Englishman, who looks upon speculation
with a deprecating eye and pins his faith on legitimate investment,
is rapidly descending into the gambling habit. Schemes which promise
fat dividends inflame his imagination and drag him out of the even
tenor of his way. He is perfectly well aware that fifteen, twenty,
and twenty-five per cent. in return for one's money is quite wrong
somehow. But, on the other hand, the prospect ravishes, and there are
concerns in the world which pay such dividends year by year without
turning a hair. Only sometimes there is a colossal smash, and half the
shopkeepers of England put on sackcloth and ashes and get up funds for
one another's relief. To the looker-on the whole system is highly
diverting; to the players in the game the fun will never be obvious.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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