STREPSIADES. You are then a tiny little child, if you credit such antiquated rubbish! But come here, that I may teach you; I will tell you something very necessary to know to be a man; but you will not repeat it to anybody. PHIDIPPIDES. Come, what is it? STREPSIADES. Just now you swore by Zeus. PHIDIPPIDES. Aye, that I did. STREPSIADES. Do you see how good it is to learn? Phidippides, there is no Zeus. PHIDIPPIDES. What is there then? STREPSIADES. 'Tis the Whirlwind, that has driven out Jupiter and is King now. PHIDIPPIDES. Go to! what drivel! STREPSIADES. Know it to be the truth. PHIDIPPIDES. And who says so? STREPSIADES. 'Tis Socrates, the Melian,[542] and Chaerephon, who knows how to measure the jump of a flea. PHIDIPPIDES. Have you reached such a pitch of madness that you believe those bilious fellows? STREPSIADES. Use better language, and do not insult men who are clever and full of wisdom, who, to economize, are never shaved, shun the gymnasia and never go to the baths, while you, you only await my death to eat up my wealth. But come, come as quickly as you can to learn in my stead. PHIDIPPIDES. And what good can be learnt of them? STREPSIADES. What good indeed? Why, all human knowledge. Firstly, you will know yourself grossly ignorant. But await me here awhile. PHIDIPPIDES. Alas! what is to be done? My father has lost his wits. Must I have him certificated for lunacy, or must I order his coffin? STREPSIADES. Come! what kind of bird is this? tell me. PHIDIPPIDES. A pigeon. STREPSIADES. Good! And this female? PHIDIPPIDES. A pigeon. STREPSIADES. The same for both? You make me laugh! For the future you will call this one a pigeonnette and the other a pigeon. PHIDIPPIDES. A pigeonnette! These then are the fine things you have just learnt at the school of these sons of the Earth![543] STREPSIADES. And many others; but what I learnt I forgot at once, because I am too old. PHIDIPPIDES. So this is why you have lost your cloak? STREPSIADES. I have not lost it, I have consecrated it to Philosophy. PHIDIPPIDES. And what have you done with your sandals, you poor fool? STREPSIADES. If I have lost them, it is for what was necessary, just as Pericles did.[544] But come, move yourself, let us go in; if necessary, do wrong to obey your father. When you were six years old and still lisped, 'twas I who obeyed you. I remember at the feasts of Zeus you had a consuming wish for a little chariot and I bought it for you with the first obolus which I received as a juryman in the Courts. PHIDIPPIDES. You will soon repent of what you ask me to do. STREPSIADES. Oh! now I am happy! He obeys. Here, Socrates, here! Come out quick! Here I am bringing you my son; he refused, but I have persuaded him. SOCRATES. Why, he is but a child yet. He is not used to these baskets, in which we suspend our minds.[545] PHIDIPPIDES. To make you better used to them, I would you were hung. STREPSIADES. A curse upon you! you insult your master!