HERACLES. Is Iophon[396] dead then? DIONYSUS. He is the only good one left me, and even of him I don't know quite what to think. HERACLES. Then there's Sophocles, who is greater than Euripides; if you must absolutely bring someone back from Hades, why not make him live again? DIONYSUS. No, not until I have taken Iophon by himself and tested him for what he is worth. Besides, Euripides is very artful and won't leave a stone unturned to get away with me, whereas Sophocles is as easy-going with Pluto as he was when on earth. HERACLES. And Agathon? Where is he?[397] DIONYSUS. He has left me; 'twas a good poet and his friends regret him. HERACLES. And whither has the poor fellow gone? DIONYSUS. To the banquet of the blest. HERACLES. And Xenocles?[398] DIONYSUS. May the plague seize him! HERACLES. And Pythangelus?[399] XANTHIAS. They don't say ever a word of poor me, whose shoulder is quite shattered. HERACLES. Is there not a crowd of other little lads, who produce tragedies by the thousand and are a thousand times more loquacious than Euripides? DIONYSUS. They are little sapless twigs, chatterboxes, who twitter like the swallows, destroyers of the art, whose aptitude is withered with a single piece and who sputter forth all their talent to the tragic Muse at their first attempt. But look where you will, you will not find a creative poet who gives vent to a noble thought. HERACLES. How creative? DIONYSUS. Aye, creative, who dares to risk "the ethereal dwellings of Zeus," or "the wing of Time," or "a heart that is above swearing by the sacred emblems," and "a tongue that takes an oath, while yet the soul is unpledged."[400] HERACLES. Is that the kind of thing that pleases you? DIONYSUS. I'm more than madly fond of it. HERACLES. But such things are simply idiotic, you feel it yourself. DIONYSUS. "Don't come trespassing on my mind; you have a brain of your own to keep thoughts in."[401] HERACLES. But nothing could be more detestable. DIONYSUS. Where cookery is concerned, you can be my master.[402] XANTHIAS. They don't say a thing about me! DIONYSUS. If I have decked myself out according to your pattern, 'tis that you may tell me, in case I should need them, all about the hosts who received you, when you journeyed to Cerberus; tell me of them as well as of the harbours, the bakeries, the brothels, the drinking-shops, the fountains, the roads, the eating-houses and of the hostels where there are the fewest bugs. XANTHIAS. They never speak of me.[403] HERACLES. Go down to hell? Will you be ready to dare that, you madman? DIONYSUS. Enough of that; but tell me the shortest road, that is neither too hot nor too cold, to get down to Pluto. HERACLES. Let me see, what is the best road to show you? Aye, which? Ah! there's the road of the gibbet and the rope. Go and hang yourself. DIONYSUS. Be silent! your road is choking me. HERACLES. There is another path, both very short and well-trodden; the one that goes through the mortar.[404]